Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Chew By Numbers

A few weeks ago my friends and I decided to throw a birthday party for our friend who was turning – um…let’s just say somewhere in the “30’s.”  The theme of the night (since we are all off balance by about 20 degrees or so) was “princess meets 12 year old girl.”

That’s right, we threw a princess party for a fully grown adult.

Do you have a problem with that?  I didn’t think so…

Moving on – one part of the party was a bubble gum biggest bubble contest.

30-some-things should never, ever, ever attempt to chew bubble gum – let alone blow bubbles.

Don’t believe me?  Try it.  Your jaw will never speak to you again.

Next birthday party, we should break out with these:

image image

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You see – you chew the different colored bubble gum, and place it on the canvas in the appropriate numbered space.

And if you have sensitive teeth and jaws – they come in sugar free:


I suppose it keeps you from putting the gum under the table though…and look, you get a nifty piece of artwork to share with your mommy.

Because, that’s not gross at all.

Brought to you by Perpetual Kid -  (and hidden from you by horrified mothers everywhere.)

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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

As Long as We Are Discussing Beauty-“enhancing” Products…

Can we please address the issue of Butt Pads?

I’m not talking about the charcoal Subtle Butt that we’ve featured before.

No, I’m talking about adding some extra fluff in your bottom, junk in your trunk, round to your ---well, okay you get the point.

The folks over at Feel Foxy want you to know that you can have a “cute round bottom as seen on Tyra Banks” with these silicone bottom enhancing pads.  (I think that these were featured on Tyra Banks’ show, not that they are saying you’ll get Tyra Banks’ bottom…then again, one never knows…)





Or you could use the second most preferred method by women everywhere (and most likely more enjoyable)

Chocolate.  Consumed in large quantities.

Of course, if you are kind of less graceful – these silicone pads might protect you from a painful fall…

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Monday, June 28, 2010

Plump Lips Are IN

And I just don’t get it.

I guess I understand the need for women to have gorgeous plump full lips – and I understand that that many would go to great lengths to get this look.  I even understand you can take butt fat and inject it into your lips to make them look plumper…(the thought makes me shudder…)

But – if you are afraid of needles, I guess you can always use this:


You see, it’s a plunger with a suction cup…

Did you ever get a bottle stuck on your lips as a kid because you were playing with the suction properties? Or a glass?

Yes, same concept…kinda…

Only this one will help you have lips like these (if only for a day)


Yea, because who doesn’t want that???

(Disclaimer – the image above does not represent actual results from the Luscious Lips product.  It’s simply the funniest darn picture I could find of a woman with overly plumped lips.  I’m pretty sure you’d not get the exact same results as above by using Luscious lips, unless of course you connected the suction cup device to a very powerful vacuum – which I do not recommend, and I’m pretty sure is also a warning in the product packaging, and if it isn’t – it should be because I know there are some people out there that just might try it.)

Saturday, June 26, 2010

The Derma Roller

My birthday is coming up.  I only say this not because I want you all to remember and send me happy birthday wishes (and presents) *wink* but because it signifies the loss of another year.

That’s right, I’m getting older…and my skin is starting to show it.

So of course, I’m going to look for ways to maintain my youthful appearance as long as I can.  That’s why when my friend Kim G. told be about the Derma Roller – I had to check it out.

This is what I saw when I opened the email.


Apparently the idea behind this mini-meat tenderizer looking device is to roll the sharp pointy end over your face (but not on your eyelids or lips – they are very clear about that) in four different directions once a week.  Of course if you use less pressure you can use this thing more often than that, like daily.

It’s supposed to increase blood flow to your face and help you look younger.

Yep.  I’m thinking thousands of tiny holes in my face will help me look younger alright – but I gotta say, never in my adult years did I ever think about duplicating the look of puberty in order to look younger.  

In their defense, they do say not to use too much pressure – or to draw blood – and they also recommend a good slathering of Lidocaine (you know, the stuff the dentist uses on your gums before he gives you the BIG shot…) on the skin to numb the area before use.  (The very next line after it says to use Lidocaine is of course “This method is painless” – ya think???)

Sorry, but I think I’ll continue to look for ways to maintain my youthful appearance…like, um – well – ANYTHING else.

(It should absolutely be noted here that Kim sent me the ad for the Derma Roller for the express purpose of me writing about it – she does not use this thing herself as she has a great deal of common sense and a very low pain threshold.)

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Friday, June 25, 2010

Fabulous Finds Friday – Glad Ovenware

Ok, I have a big family.

Not 18 Kids and Counting  big, but still big nonetheless.

As you can imagine keeping them all fed and well-nourished can be a bit of a challenge sometimes.  Especially with a mom that has two businesses, writes this silly very informative blog, and occasionally likes her Thursday Girls Night Out evenings…

So, when I cook, I cook A LOT.  And I don’t cook a lot because my family eats a lot, but I cook large amounts – usually double portions – so that one full meal can be frozen for later heating and eating.

I USED to use all my glass casserole pans and large pieces of Tupperware (which are not oven-friendly and that is annoying) to do my fix and forget cooking.

Until I found these:


They come in 9x12, and 9x9 sizes and are perfect for my family’s needs.  They are oven safe, dishwasher safe, freezer safe, microwave safe – and completely, totally, loss proof…why?  Because they are disposable, so nobody cares if they don’t come home.

Not to mention the fact they won’t shatter like my $40.00 stoneware pan that got put into the HOT oven after coming directly out of the COLD freezer…no I didn’t do it, we don’t need to go there…

Look, these things are awesome, and they make my life as a mommy a little bit easier and more peaceful on nights where I’m pretty sure I might lose my mind if I add one more task to my plate.  With these things in my freezer full of yummy pre-made dinners, I don’t have to worry that cooking for my family is going to be the straw that breaks the mommy’s back on any given day.

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Thursday, June 24, 2010

Ok, so a Cozy Isn’t Your Thing…

Never fear!  The folks over at Collections ETC. have your laundry room needs covered too.


Um, yea, because a giant magnet with a picture of freshly hanging laundry on the front of my washer is EXACTLY what I need to make that room feel more inviting.

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Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Washer and Dryer Cozy…

Years ago, my grandmother (whom I love very much and would never even think of making fun of – mostly because I know she’d kick my butt if she was still here to do so…) used to have these cozy things all over her house.  She had one that covered her bread box, one for the toaster, one for the KitchenAid- (which I’m pretty sure was a custom made creation) and I think she might have even had one that covered the back of her toilet.

Grandma never, ever – I repeat NEVER had one of these:


Why didn’t she have one?

Grandma may have been strange – after all, she IS related to me…but she wasn’t crazy.  At least not that anyone could prove in a court of law anyway.

Tell me though, don’t you just have to have one of these now?  Don’t the blue butterflies and ruffles just scream serenity?

Oh wait, that isn’t serenity – it’s insanity.  Sorry about that.

Love ya Grandma!

Found at Collectionsetc.  my new favorite hunting ground.
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Tuesday, June 22, 2010


So supposedly, you put this in your mouth and squeeze your cheeks and it makes you look years younger.


Um…Years younger isn’t exactly what I’m seeing.

Nope, not my first thought at all.

I can, however see men purchasing this in bulk for their wives.

Because you know if they  are doing this they can’t be talking…I hear that is annoying to some men.  My husband, on the other hand, loves the sound of my voice.

Right dear?

He says yes.


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Monday, June 21, 2010

It’s dating for the successful.

And attractive.

Because who wants to waste time with the “special spirits” of the world…

(hahahahahaha – I know there are some of you out there laughing your butts off on that one.  You know who you are…)

*cue sappy “the more you know” infomercial music* – why waste time with ugly people.

Remember – be attractive.  Don’t be Unattractive.

(and for those of you who don’t know where that comes from – enjoy this SNL skit staring Tom Brady on Sexual Harassment – something the folks at are obviously not concerned with.)

Thank you Michelle B for finding this.  Too bad I don’t think I make the cut…nor do I think I really want to…

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Sunday, June 20, 2010

Yet Another Company That Should ReThink Thier Name

And possibly their slogan.


Bimbo Bread company.

Bringing families together since 1945.

(I bet they are…)

Thank you Kim S for pointing this one out.

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Saturday, June 19, 2010


Remember when you were a kid and you would have hours of fun playing with pipe cleaners making them into funny animals and then taking pictures of them if funny poses?

Oh, and then there was that time that you put all your Mr. Potato Head parts on him to give him eyes and teeth and hands and stuff…


Um.  Okay.

Look, I know Mr. Potato Head might have ended up on this blog if he was brand new – after all, he started off as a bucket of parts that you poke into a real potato… But I believe Fuzzoodle is trying a little hard to play off the success of Mr. Head.  Fuzzoodle is like the less talented towel-boy little brother to the star quarterback Mr. Potato Head.  Only, Fuzzoodle should really be on the Chess team.  Or debate.  Or both. 

If you don’t find Fuzzoodle in the debate team, check the dumpster.  Woody, Buzz and Mr. Potato Head put him in there so that he wouldn’t ruin their new movie Toy Story 3. 

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Friday, June 18, 2010

Fabulous Finds Friday – Harkins Summer Movie Fun

Okay, so this one only affects those of you who live in a location where there are Harkins Theatres…which I do – so there.

Every summer Harkins does this amazing thing…they play movies.  Just for kids.  At a huge discount.

It’s great. It’s fabulous -  it’s something to do away from the house and out of the heat.

Typically the movies are older releases – things that have been played in the theatre in the last year or so.  This year, for example the movies include Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs, Ice Age:Dawn of the Dinosaurs, Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakwel

Anyway – you get 10 movies for 7 bucks (per child of course)…so for my family of 5 kids plus me it was a whopping – are you ready???  $42.00. 


10 weeks worth of movie theatre fun, and only $42 bucks. 

The really cool thing is this:

I have a really big purse, and I’m not afraid to use it.  No – I’m not smuggling in neighborhood children (did you not just see that I take FIVE children with me voluntarily?)  No, I bring snacks.  And nobody seems to care.  In fact, most people bring their own snacks.   Of course, they have refreshments there – but I’m a bargain hunter so … ppppppllllbbbbttttt!!!

So, if you live in Arizona, California, Colorado, Texas or Oklahoma – check it out.  Trust me it’s totally worth it…

Oh, and there’s this too – the entire theatre is filled with kids – so if yours gets a little noisy or unruly – nobody cares.


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Thursday, June 17, 2010

Potty Light

Okay – so admittedly, I have girls mostly so the aiming thing isn’t an issue.

But even my two boys are fine with the whole “potty” thing.  Really – never missed once.  Even in the dark.

That’s why this one makes me laugh:


Question – if they are so tired that they aren’t able to “aim” in the dark – are they really gonna remember to turn the light on?  Is it motion activated?  Please tell me it isn’t moisture activated…because if it is, I’m afraid they’ve hung it a bit high on the seat for my comfort…

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Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Just Doing My American Duty…

This week we celebrated Flag Day.

It’s June 14th for those that don’t know.

Anyway – I’m one of those people that is very patriotic.  Extremely patriotic.  My entire house is decorated in shades of red white and blue patriotic.

I’m still pretty certain you aren’t going to find one of these in here:


If you’ve followed this blog for any amount of time, you know I have a thing against alarm clocks.  They generally end up embedded in the closest wall each morning (which gets expensive after a while…) but this one…I don’t know…I mean would it be my patriotic duty each morning to snap to attention with my hand over my heart and bellow out my O Say Can You See? Would it be considered anti-American to push the snooze button?

Too many questions, too many possibilities.  I’ll leave this one on the shelf thank you.

You've found it!  The first person to EMAIL me with the name of this blog post gets the $5.00 gift card!!!   - Kim G of Phoenix Arizona found it on 8/18/2010!  Way to go Kim!  Keep looking...there's another one hidden!
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Tuesday, June 15, 2010


Okay, so I know that this is a very popular processed meat food in Mexico.

I completely understand that there are words in other languages that just look funny to us ignorant Americans.

This one just made me laugh out loud. 

In the middle of Wal-Mart.

In the meat department.


Couldn’t help it.  I completely embrace my ignorance.


Yep, that’s FUD alright.  Glad we solved that mystery.

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Monday, June 14, 2010

The Coolest You’ll Look Pooping In Your Pants

And I really wish that was just a snazzy headline for this post, but sadly – no – it’s actually part of Huggies’ marketing campaign for their new Little Movers Diapers series…

Blue Jeans.

I’ve let my kid run around the house in just a diaper and a t-shirt before.  Honestly, what parent hasn’t?  But seriously?

It’s okay to wear just your underwear in public, as long as it looks cool.

image image image

Oh, and if you don’t believe me about their campaign slogan – here’s the commercial, straight from their website:

wait for it….wait for it….

I Poo In Blue. That sounds like a medical issue to me. Not a fashion statement. Just Sayin'.

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Saturday, June 12, 2010

Roast My Weenie

Okay, so I know for absolute certainty someone will buy these – although in the one documented case I’m aware of it was a situation of mistaken purchasing.

Or so they say…

Anyway, while this is a family friendly site, I’m simply going to direct you to the website where weenie roasters of all um…shapes and sizes…can be found.

and here’s a taste of some of the products you will find:


It’s an elephant people…an elephant.  Sheesh.

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Friday, June 11, 2010

Fabulous Finds Friday – Cookie Dipped Drumsticks

Okay, so I have an ice cream problem. 
The problem is, there is never enough.  Really.  That’s my problem.
I’ve always liked the quick easy ice cream treats like Klondike bars and Drumsticks – the only problem is they’ve always been messy.  Klondikes break open and the ice cream melts all over and Drumsticks have those nuts that go everywhere…
But not the Cookie dipped ones.
These things are so fabulous.
The chocolate on the outside is a perfect blend of creamy chocolaty goodness with bits of crunchy chocolate cookie mixed in.  The cone (as always) is crunchy and not chewy…and if you are lucky you can get one that has a caramel center.
Anyway – these things are awesome.  You need one.  Now.

In case you are wondering why I’d chose an ice cream novelty treat as my fabulous find I’ll give you two reasons…reason one: 115 and reason two: 90.   What is that you say?  Today’s high and low temperatures.  That’s right, it’s nearly midnight as I write this, kids are in bed and it’s dark outside – and it’s 90 degrees.  Now, excuse me while I go eat more ice cream.
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Thursday, June 10, 2010


Yet another genius idea from the bacon lovers of the world. 

And I’m kinda torn – this one probably should be posted tomorrow…because ya know, tomorrow is Friday…



Bacon Flavored Popcorn.  It’s vegetarian and Kosher…

Because everyone loves veggie bacon.

Found at Perpetual Kid.

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Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Didn't Your Mother Ever Tell You...

Stop writing on your hands?

Mine did.  But I think that she'd be okay with this:

Or maybe not...Then again, if it helped me remember to bring the eggs home instead of buying dog food (because you know, we don't have a dog...) - it might be worth it, as long as I don't get my hands wet - or use those shopping cart sanitizer wipes.
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Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Get Your Own Tots…

No seriously – get your own.  Mine are protected by Fridge Locker…I double dog dare you to attempt it.


That’s right, Fridge Locker.  Dorm rooms and office refrigerators have never been safer.

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Monday, June 7, 2010

It’s Hot.

And no, I’m not trying on my best Paris Hilton impression…

Rather – it’s actually hot.  Here in Phoenix it is slated to be about 112 degrees today.

Did I mention our Air Conditioner is out?

Yea, fun times here in the valley of the sun.

So I started looking for free and cheap ways to stay cool…

I didn’t really find anything useful, but I did find this…


You see – it’s motorized so you don’t have to waste your valuable energy to lick your ice cream.  Nope.  Just stick out your tongue and push the button. 

Is it just me or did anyone else hear the warning in physics class where Mr. Hengesbach said to keep all body parts away from the moving machinery?  Suppose your tongue doesn’t count…

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Sunday, June 6, 2010

Get Better Bears

Okay, sorry ya’ll for going “radio silent” these last few days.  Seems that whatever this ickyness is that is going around has hit my house – and as a mother of five, that means a whole lot of Motrin, cough syrup and tissues.

Of course, it means more snuggles for mommy too – which I admit, I don’t hate.

Anyway – in one of my many outings to the local pharmacy to get provisions – I saw these:


Here’s the deal – I’m all about trying to find new and innovative ways to get my kids to take their medicine.  I grew up in an era where my mother used to dissolve my medication into a bowl of applesauce (to this day, I still do NOT like applesauce, but at the time, it worked!)  I struggle with the Motrin in a cup or syringe sometimes – especially with my three year old…

But to me – making medicine look, taste and feel like candy?  That registers all sorts of bad thoughts and images in my mind…in our house, we keep the medicine up as high as possible – out of the reach of the kids, not in the candy cabinet. 

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Wednesday, June 2, 2010

A Royal Ooopsie!

So HRH (for those of you on the non-British side of the pond, that stands for His Royal Highness) Prince William has been dating the same girl for a while. 

In anticipation of impending nuptials, some time in the past three years, retail giant Woolworths started to create fun little bobbles and trinkets bearing their images and stating ‘In Celebration of the Royal Marriage of…’  Leaving room for the date etc etc.

One problem.  Wills isn’t engaged.  Rumors are abounding that he might  pop the question sometime in the near future (but that’s been the rumor for, oh – three years now – hence the ‘date’ on the bobbles being 200?, I suppose they didn’t think it’d make it to 2010?)

Poor Woolies…whatever are they to do with all these trinkets now?


Skeet shooting practice anyone?

Yes, I know this isn’t an actual product you can buy RIGHT now – however, some merchandising genius out there is preparing to make a ton of money off of these things.  I mean, hey – you need a Prince William china service for 8 to go with that Princess Di and Prince Charles cookie plate and tea set, right?  The thing that surprises me, somewhat sadly, is that this merchandising genius is right…these things are gonna sell like hot cakes – which doesn’t leave me any less confused.

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Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Oh Tooth Fairy!

My kids ask a lot of questions…

Why is the sky blue?

How come my eyes are brown and Daddy’s are green?

What’s the square root of 1863936930?

Ya know, basic kid stuff.

But lateley (with two of the kids in the “tooth losing” stage in life) the question has been, “What does the tooth fairy do with all those teeth?”


Maybe this?


That is one talented tooth fairy.  I’m tellin’ you.  I mean check out the realistic details!

Oh wait…no – these custom painted crowns are actually meant to be worn…in the mouth.  “Hey dude, you have something stuck on your uh… that a ROOSTER?”

Yep – and this one  (my personal favorite)


See, now that’s a a University of Utah logo.  And you UTE fans think that us BYU fans are crazy….harumph! (and to Ski (my poor misguided UTE fan Sister…Pllllbbbbbbbttttt!)

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