What Day Is It Again?

Ever have those times when you can’t remember what day of the week it is?

To be fair, it does happen to me – especially in the summer time when the kids are home and we have no real place to be…but eventually I do remember, not because I have one of these though:

Promise, I don’t have one of these. 

Really.

Why don’t you believe me?

Elitemeet.com

It’s dating for the successful.

And attractive.

Because who wants to waste time with the “special spirits” of the world…

(hahahahahaha – I know there are some of you out there laughing your butts off on that one.  You know who you are…)

*cue sappy “the more you know” infomercial music*

Elitemeet.com – why waste time with ugly people.

Remember – be attractive.  Don’t be Unattractive.

(and for those of you who don’t know where that comes from – enjoy this SNL skit staring Tom Brady on Sexual Harassment – something the folks at Elitemeet.com are obviously not concerned with.)

Thank you Michelle B for finding this.  Too bad I don’t think I make the cut…nor do I think I really want to…

Didn't Your Mother Ever Tell You...

Stop writing on your hands?

Mine did.  But I think that she'd be okay with this:

Or maybe not...Then again, if it helped me remember to bring the eggs home instead of buying dog food (because you know, we don't have a dog...) - it might be worth it, as long as I don't get my hands wet - or use those shopping cart sanitizer wipes.

Hip to be Square…

Or not.

Yes ladies and Geeks –er, Gents… That’s a Square root watch.

I’d like to say that my circle friends is way too cool for something like this, and that they are all very secure in their coolness…but sadly – no.

Thank you Paul for wearing this watch so I could post it today.

Wait – technically Paul is my HUSBAND’s friend, not mine – so my friends are still incredibly secure in their coolness.  Whew!  That was close.

Again – thank you to the Honeywell Engineers – I do not know where this site would be without you.  Really, No idea where I’d be.

Massagenius - Writing Relaxation....

It’s very un-assuming in it’s packaging.  It looks like a pen that you might get as a graduation gift – engraved with your name and graduation year.  Possibly a present bestowed on you by your proud parents.

This one comes with a surprise though…it vibrates.

It’s said to “relieve stress, tension, headaches, and improve overall health and well being.”

Of Course it does!  What else would it do?

G’day Sir…it’s time you rose to meet the world…

What is your first thought each morning when you wake?

Are you happy?

Are you anxious to start your day with sunshine and rainbows with the occasional bunny hopping by?

OR is it more like – the first person to speak to you is going to regret it…especially if you haven’t left the safe and comfortable confines of your bed…

Yes, that’s more like me too.  So I can assure you – I will not ever own one of these:

Small and unassuming – yes.  Annoying and possible morning murder weapon?  Absolutely.

So what does it do?  Instead of waking you up with music or in extreme cases loud buzzing noises…this one wakes you with the cheery voice of Jeeves…England’s favorite butler.

Wake to:

"Excuse me sir, I'm so sorry to disturb you, but it appears to be morning... Very inconvenient, I agree... I believe it is the rotation of the Earth that is to blame, sir,"

or asks

"Shall I inform the news agencies that you are about to rise, sir?"

And if you don’t wake up to Jeeves’ gentle prodding…the thing starts beeping at a gentle but loud frequency.  Pressing snooze doesn’t alleviate the pain either…Jeeves simply replies:  "Sir has a firm touch, but fair"

Oh Brother…I have a feeling it’d end up embedded in my bedroom wall on the first morning, but that’s just a feeling.

Found Here. (Hammacher Schlemmer – you know the annoying airplane catalog people.)

Tele-Phono-Lens

Ever been somewhere and found something really cool and thought to yourself – “Man I wish my cell phone camera had a zoom lens so that I could get a really great photo of that!”

Of course you have.  But – you probably pulled your cell phone out of your pocket, snapped a quick pic, and were done with it.  Cell phone cameras are, after all, built for convenience and fun – not for major photography projects.

Until now.

Now you can purchase a telephoto lens that snaps right onto your cell phone.  (um…let’s not talk about the extra baggage you’ll now have to carry to protect such lens, or the time it takes to put it on the phone, secure it, ensure it’s in the proper place etc…)

Um…is it just me – or ---well, if I was going to carry around extra photography equipment, why wouldn’t I just carry my camera bag with actual zoom and telephoto built in? 

I suppose this is only for the semi-serious photographer/paparazzi wanna-be…

“Just a minute Miley – please…I need to just snap on the telephoto…aw crap…I’m getting a call…”

The Hawaii Chair

The title alone renders thoughts and images of white sand beaches and gently swaying palm trees…relaxation and serenity…doesn’t it?

I don’t think serenity is exactly the point here.  Supposedly, perfectly toned wash-board abs-while-you-sit is the point.

Watch this informative (struggling to keep a straight face here) commercial…






AHAHHH AHAHHAH HAHAHAH HAHAHAHAH!!!

I’m sorry – I can’t contain myself…must catch breath…breathe…breathe!!!!
Imagine typing a letter while sitting on this thing…

helo2w wir,
i a9encpoloigize for th39e grzmme45r in ty8is let56ter.  Yo8u s3ee, i’jum typingw2 wh9opl;e s98tting on mty n43w hqauwwaii chu8air.  pr409oductivity7 is d20own, but4 oyu sh2ou7lsd se34 my ab8ws!

Ah hem…okay, I’m done…

AHHH HHAHAHH AHAHAH HAHAHA!!!

(okay, now I’m really done….)

Put the Golfing King on his Throne!

Do you know a golf enthusiast?

Can your golfing loved one never get enough?
 
Is the current economic situation cutting back the time you or your loved one can spend on the links?

Well then, you need an AT HOME putting course…of course.



Fabulous right?  It comes with a green, a movable cup (so you can change the difficulty level) a special putter and two balls – and a DO NOT DISTURB sign….wait, what?



OH!  That explains it.  This is Potty Golf – for the golfer who’s (according to the website) game is “in the toilet”.  

AND the putting green is notched perfectly to fit around the base of the toilet – therefore no unsightly ripples or wrinkles to throw off your game.  This thing is sure to be a favorite in the million dollar homes of high powered-golf-for-lunch executives...and those that wish they were.


The big question is … does it also include a free can of air freshener – because you know – if your game didn’t stink before, it sure will now!!!

Thanks to Jessica J. for finding this gem. 

The Travel Lap Top Desk

I can’t help but wonder what they were thinking when they came up with this little wonder.

Guy One In Research Lab: “Ever been been driving down the freeway and needed to send an email but the steering wheel just keeps getting in the way?”

Guy Two- with eyebrows raised: “Sure!  I did that just this morning – what a nuisance!”

Guy One: “We should invent a way to make that task easier!”

Guy Two: “Wow!  Great Idea – we’ll be rich!”

Sounds of buzz saws and hammers – paper feverishly shuffling:
Six hours later…

voila!



Also, it seems guy one and guy two, in their brilliance, failed to patent the idea – and it exists in many other forms!




To be fair, the website does state not to used in a moving vehicle…but really, who reads the fine print anymore?

Also, I’d include a link so you can purchase one of these babies for yourself, however I think that would be incredibly irresponsible of me.