Loo Read

I know we've covered this a few times.  As a mother of five, I rarely get time alone.  I do retreat from time to time to the household throne room, close and lock the door and just bask in the quiet solitude.

(of course I only do this in the Master bedroom throne room - the others in the house aren't quite as relaxing if you get my drift...or if you were to get a whiff...same diff...hey I'm a poet!  Look ma, I can RHYME! on second thought, maybe a little free time outside of the throne room would be a good idea.)

According to the manufacturer - it's perfect for the tabloid sized newspapers - (because this is created in the UK an tabloid is the name for an actual newspaper - with real news and stuff, not just pictures of the latest mars invasion)  But larger newspapers will work well too with minimal overhang. 

Because the last thing you want in the bathroom is overhang.

Yet another iProduct…

iReally think the reason iAlways make fun of iPhone products is because iJealous.

iDon’t have an iPhone – or an iTouch.  If iWant to play a game of pinball, for instance iWill go and play a game of Pinball – (let’s guess how often that happens now…anyone?  Anyone? iGuess you’ll never know.)

There’s something about a pinball machine that is fun, and nostalgic – and iSimply don’t believe you can replicate that on an iPhone.

Then again…iHave been wrong before.

Retro is all the rage, but…

Just as I think we should really leave most 80’s fashions in the 80’s…I’m pretty sure the clunky phone handset can stay there too.

I don’t know about you, but when I’m looking for a headset for my phone, I’m looking for something a little more hands free and barely noticeable.  (I have so much fun having conversations with people on the phone and people in the store wonder if I am talking to them or not…really, try it – it’s great fun for a Friday night…in related news, I have no life.)

Anywho – if you want this thing – I suppose for the novelty of it all – you can get it here. 

Just try not to use it while driving.  I’m pretty sure that would get you pulled over.  Not because you were on the phone mind you, mostly because you might be suspected of being under the influence.  Just Sayin’.

I like Star Trek as much as the next girl…

But…

I’ve never considered decking out my kitchen with these items:

The USS Enterprise pizza cutter…boldy go where your pepperoni has never gone before…

“Dammit Jim, I’m a Doctor, not a pizza delivery boy!”

Or how about these beautiful hanging lights:

“No Billy, the aliens aren’t really coming from the ceiling.   It’s the Enterprise…they are friendly.”

I also can’t say that I’d have one of these hanging in my kitchen either:

The family room, sure, but not the kitchen. 

“What time is dinner?”

“Half past the Klingon War Bird”

Teach ‘em young Trekkers – teach ‘em young.

(Pizza slicer found at www.thinkgeek.com, Starship hanging light at http://www.geekologie.com/2009/11/classy_a_starship_enterprise_c.php, and the clock – bask again in it’s awesomeness… http://www.techchee.com/2009/04/28/star-trek-clock/) 

Got Wi-Fi?

I know, I know – everyone can always use a good wi-fi signal.

I mean you know you’ve done it – sitting outside a Starbucks or a McDonalds with your laptop trying to send an email or check your favorite blog…some of you might be doing it right now…

Anyway – wouldn’t it be nice if someone came up with a way to detect wi-fi signals without having to drive down the street with your laptop open and waiting for a connection?  (of course not while STARING at your laptop.  You’d never want to drive and use your computer at the same time…at least not without one of these: http://www.someonewillbuythis.com/2009/12/travel-lap-top-desk.html – safety first people!!!)  Wouldn’t it be great if you could simply look down at your chest and determine if you had wi-fi access?

Ah, much better.

Of course the guys at www.Thinkgeek.com have saved the day once again.  Now you can announce to the world that you are a signal surfer.  I suggest you wear it and walk up and down your street – who knows what neighbor you can mooch of of next…

Not that I condone the use of your neighbor’s wireless connection.

Unless it’s an emergency

Like you need to read my blog.

Then it’s okay.

The Barkalator…

Maybe I watch too many episodes of Phineas and Ferb.  With the kids.  Yea, with the kids – we’ll go with that.

Anyway for some reason I see this product as something invented by the inept Doofenschmirtz.

And I also imagine him calling it “The Bark A Late Or” as only he can.

And explanation from Professor Doofenschmirtz:

You see, the little thing around his neck translates his FEEEELllings into human speech that comes out of the hand held dohickey.  It can tell you if she’s saaaad, hungry, or just needs to use the bathroom!  I will use it to be friends with all the dogs in the world (because you know, Perry, as a small boy I had a dog once and I could never figure out what she needed.  We never became the close friends that we could have been and I was such a sad little boy) What – what are you doing? Where are you going Perry the Platypus?  Perrrrry?

See, it now makes all the sense in the world.  A Barkalator (It’s actually called a Bowlingual Translator – but I like Barkalator better) will be coming to a store near you – if you live in Japan it will be near to you I mean, not anywhere near you in the United States…but you know, sort of.   Did I mention to use it you also need to know Japanese?  That’s just a small problem, right?

Oh, and here’s a video about Doofenschmirtz and Perry – just in case you have no idea who they are…and if you have no idea, I feel bad for you – I mean, really?

(My post is about dogs, and this is the closest Doofenschmirtz reference to Dogs I could find on Youtube.  Also, this show is on The Disney Channel – DISNEY people.  Thanks.)

I Admit It, I’m A Sorter…

Today is my birthday - (which explains the late post…or at least I say it explains it.  None of the activity explained below has anything to do with this late post…promise.)

Anyway – two of my friends (remember the ladies with the fans?  Yea, them…)  noticed that I’m apparently incapable of eating Skittles candy without sorting them first.

Yes, I sort my Skittles – you can blame my mother for that.  I love her for it too – really I do. really.

So these two friends took it a step further and decided that if I can’t eat Skittles without sorting them, I probably can’t eat any other mixed colored candy without sorting it either.

Guess what – they were right.

All this week, every day – twice a day – I’ve received a package.  What was in the package?  A small bowl filled with mixed colored candies.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

There was even one full of M&M’s – plain and peanut together in the same bowl. OH THE HUMANITY!  ahem…sorry, I’m better now.  Honest.

Problem was, once I sorted the plain from the peanut – I couldn’t leave it alone.

All those colors mixed together just looked… messy.

So, here it is, in all my obsessive compulsive disorder.

     

So here’s my product proposal – because I know I’m not the only sorter out there…

I KNOW I’m not – and don’t tell me otherwise…I’m not crazy…la la la la la*fingers in ears…*I’m not listening!I 

Please – candy companies of the world…sell your flavors as individually packaged novelties.    I’m telling you – it’s a new niche market.  You’ll make millions.

Millions…you hear me – there’s at least that many people out there like me. 

Shut up – there are too.  Let me believe it.  It makes me feel better.

iShirt and iDress

Or, iStupid…whatever.

This Australian company has decided it’s far too hard to slip your iPad into your purse, backpack, or you know to simply CARRY it…so they’ve designed clothing for the iPad enthusiast.

Apparently, the iPad is Australia’s newest fashion accessory.

Ah, to be one of the beautiful people…

No really – to be one of the beautiful people, I’m pretty sure you don’t NEED one of these.

Thank you Matt M for the post.  I suppose the next thing we should watch for are iBoxers and the iBikini for the summer time iPad and iPhone enthusiast.

Bark Off

Again, I’m not a dog owner – but…This is Bark Off – An ultrasonic sound wave (or something like that) that annoys dogs to the point that they will stop barking.

There seems something strange (and somewhat mean) to me about hurting your dog’s sensitive ears so that they will no longer bark. 

Of course the ad doesn’t come right out and say that it hurts the dog…but it kind of seems like the same concept that my sisters and I enlisted as kids

“ow, quit it!”

*pinch*

“OW!  Quit IT!!!”

*pinch a little harder*

“OWWWWW!!! I’m gonna tell Mom!”

*pinches even harder* - “If you tell mom anything I’m going to make it REALLY hurt!”

“****silence*****”

Okay, on second thought, being a big meanie to achieve silence is incredibly effective.

Elitemeet.com

It’s dating for the successful.

And attractive.

Because who wants to waste time with the “special spirits” of the world…

(hahahahahaha – I know there are some of you out there laughing your butts off on that one.  You know who you are…)

*cue sappy “the more you know” infomercial music*

Elitemeet.com – why waste time with ugly people.

Remember – be attractive.  Don’t be Unattractive.

(and for those of you who don’t know where that comes from – enjoy this SNL skit staring Tom Brady on Sexual Harassment – something the folks at Elitemeet.com are obviously not concerned with.)

Thank you Michelle B for finding this.  Too bad I don’t think I make the cut…nor do I think I really want to…

Just Doing My American Duty…

This week we celebrated Flag Day.

It’s June 14th for those that don’t know.

Anyway – I’m one of those people that is very patriotic.  Extremely patriotic.  My entire house is decorated in shades of red white and blue patriotic.

I’m still pretty certain you aren’t going to find one of these in here:



If you’ve followed this blog for any amount of time, you know I have a thing against alarm clocks.  They generally end up embedded in the closest wall each morning (which gets expensive after a while…) but this one…I don’t know…I mean would it be my patriotic duty each morning to snap to attention with my hand over my heart and bellow out my O Say Can You See? Would it be considered anti-American to push the snooze button?

Too many questions, too many possibilities.  I’ll leave this one on the shelf thank you.

You've found it!  The first person to EMAIL me with the name of this blog post gets the $5.00 Amazon.com gift card!!!   - Kim G of Phoenix Arizona found it on 8/18/2010!  Way to go Kim!  Keep looking...there's another one hidden!

Get Your Own Tots…

No seriously – get your own.  Mine are protected by Fridge Locker…I double dog dare you to attempt it.

That’s right, Fridge Locker.  Dorm rooms and office refrigerators have never been safer.

It’s Hot.

And no, I’m not trying on my best Paris Hilton impression…

Rather – it’s actually hot.  Here in Phoenix it is slated to be about 112 degrees today.

Did I mention our Air Conditioner is out?

Yea, fun times here in the valley of the sun.

So I started looking for free and cheap ways to stay cool…

I didn’t really find anything useful, but I did find this…

You see – it’s motorized so you don’t have to waste your valuable energy to lick your ice cream.  Nope.  Just stick out your tongue and push the button. 

Is it just me or did anyone else hear the warning in physics class where Mr. Hengesbach said to keep all body parts away from the moving machinery?  Suppose your tongue doesn’t count…

Automatic Everything…

Have you ever seemed to notice that almost everything is going “touch free” these days? 

Take the toilets and water faucets in public restrooms for example…they are activated by a tiny little motion sensor which when it no longer senses you – or in the case of the sink it DOES sense you it activates the running water.

Personally, one of my favorite past times is standing in the ladies room watching people do the “turn the water on” dance in front of the automatic faucets…trust me…this is good clean fun.

Now, while I agree, these things are very cool in a public (and admittedly germy environment – hence the “touch free” appeal)…at home, I just see this thing being a little out of place.

This is an automatic paper towel dispenser from our friends at Hammacher.  Maybe it’s just me (which I’m totally okay with) but having this thing in the kitchen would no more save frustration than it would money.  Here are my reasons:

1) I have five children.  A cool thing like this in the kitchen?  Right…enough said.

2) Because of number 1 I’m pretty sure the darn thing would always be empty.

3) I like to get up in the middle of the night from time to time to get my children drinks of water…(wait, did I say I LIKE to do that? huh…)  I can just see this thing “seeing” me and scaring the living daylights out of me at 3 AM.  I’m also pretty sure that the resulting hole in the window (from me throwing it through it) would not go over well with the HOA.

4) The motions of flailing my hands furiously in front of the motion sensor may immediately dry them…reducing the need for the paper towel in the first place.  On the plus side for me – less paper towels used.  On the plus side for my family – free “Mommy’s finally lost it” entertainment.

and finally 5) My husband is an engineer.  The chances this thing would end up as spare parts within a week of removing it from it’s packaging is pretty high.  Although, it might be entertaining to watch him attempt to attach the motion sensor to the television set for Jedi Mind tricks channel surfing….

Itty Bitty Bible

Call me crazy, but I always thought the purpose of owning our own set of scriptures was to be able to read them, gain inspiration and knowledge from them, and to learn…

I’m pretty sure the men and women that were considered Heretics for translating ancient scripture from the Latin form were not thinking of this type of result…

That’s right – a Bible – microscopic so you can carry it with you everywhere, just don’t try and read it…unless you carry a pocket microscope as well.

I’m just guessing, a simpler (and cheaper once you factor in the cost of the portable microscope…) way to carry (and be able to READ) your scriptures might be to get an iPod or a Blackberry..but you know – whatever.

That George Foreman…he’s fantastic…

Ever been sitting at your desk and thought - “Gee, A quarter pounder with cheese sounds really good right now…too bad I don’t have a George Foreman Grill for my desk so I can cook myself one…”

That is, of course if you have a fridge, a freezer, a bread pantry and all the fixings there at your desk too.

So, assuming you have all these things…back to the original question, ever wanted to cook a hamburger at your desk?

Well, now you can, thanks to the Champ himself.

The iGrill…cooking foods for engineers and geeks everywhere.  The USB powered grill requires no external power source, has a very small footprint and is a lean, mean, fat-reducing, grilling machine.  (provided that you actually get up from the desk and move around once in a while – this just might be the weight loss solution you’ve been looking for…then again, maybe not.)

So Sick…

Sorry folks.  I know there was no Fabulous Finds post yesterday.  You see, I’m not feeling well – so the only things I considered fabulous were pillows, blankets, cold medicine and sleep – lots of it.  Short of reclassifying the Remote controlled tissue box to a Fabulous Find, I simply couldn’t post anything.

I did however find this.

Playing on the fear in the hearts and minds of mothers and germaphobes everywhere – it’s the H1N1 eliminating vacuum.  I’m sure there’s some super technical jargon as to how this thing works – something about the UV light destroying the outer shell of the germ itself and then working it’s way inside and rendering it useless and unable to reproduce…but still.  In my germ infested and totally ill state – I think it’s ridiculous.  Probably because I didn’t think of it first…because I’m totally petty and shallow like that.

I’m going to go lay back down … ah – ah – ah ---- Choooo!   (ouch…)

Give it up for the Airplane Catalog…

Seriously – I love Hammacher Schlemmer.

Their name is like the cherry on top of an awesome catalog sundae.

I mean – the gadgets and gizmos in this thing are fabulous!  Millions of air travelers without internet access and something good to read have found many an entertaining moment with that catalog. 

I like it so much, I might just shed a tear…

or buy these:

Metal detecting flip flops.  Another product in a long line of Hammacher Schlemmer goodness.

Forget Me Not … Underwear???

This product takes cyber stalking to a whole new level.

See the pretty little flower?  It’s a GPS tracking device.

Now you will never have to wonder where your underwear is.

Perfect for parents of teenage daughters, engineer husbands (hey look guys, the wife is at the grocery store…how do I know…well let me tell you…) and there might also possibly be several uses considered by the US military…but that’s top secret.

Whac-A-Mole

I’m torn on this product.  Part of me wants to put it in Fabulous Finds Friday…because after-all…who doesn’t love a good game of Whac-A-Mole?  And this Whac-A-Mole game is so awesome…in fact – it’s reached it’s own level of awesomeness that I really don’t think there is anything possibly more awesome than this in the Whac-A-Mole universe.

Why is it so awesome?

It’s PERSONALIZED.

That’s right, you send in photos of family members, past managers, bosses, ex girlfriends/boyfriends…whatever you want…and instead of little mischievous moles popping up for you to whack with a mallet- you guessed it – it’s your own little stress relief machine, complete with sound effects.

So why, may you ask is this NOT on Fabulous Finds Friday?

It’s $35,000.00.

That is more expensive that all three of the cars I’ve purchased in my lifetime…combined.

I am thinking if I had $35,000.00 extra to spend on a Whac-A-Mole machine, I’d likely be one of the least STRESSed people on the planet.   But that’s just a guess.