Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The Concept is Right – But The Execution is Lacking…

I love the dollar store.

There are so many awesome finds there for so many things.  Stocking stuffers – for one – can be found a plenty at the dollar store.

Why do they have such great deals?  

Usually it’s because some manufacturer has misprinted a label, a store has ordered too many of a product, and other times it’s simply because a product did not sell – no matter what they did to promote it.  A lot of times, things end up at the dollar store because they have some not too obvious design flaws that only stand out when you stare at it for an extended period of time…


Do you see it yet?  It’s like Trouble only with Race Cars right?


Um yea – that’ll spread Holiday Cheer alright…


*shudder* excuse me while I go wash the “ick” off…

Categories ,

Monday, December 13, 2010

Retro is all the rage, but…

Just as I think we should really leave most 80’s fashions in the 80’s…I’m pretty sure the clunky phone handset can stay there too.

I don’t know about you, but when I’m looking for a headset for my phone, I’m looking for something a little more hands free and barely noticeable.  (I have so much fun having conversations with people on the phone and people in the store wonder if I am talking to them or not…really, try it – it’s great fun for a Friday night…in related news, I have no life.)


Anywho – if you want this thing – I suppose for the novelty of it all – you can get it here

Just try not to use it while driving.  I’m pretty sure that would get you pulled over.  Not because you were on the phone mind you, mostly because you might be suspected of being under the influence.  Just Sayin’.

Categories , , , , ,

Friday, December 10, 2010

Time to Trim the Tree…

When trimming your tree this year – please, don’t forget the ornaments that have somehow journeyed here from the island of misfit toys…

Yes, that’s a pickle.  Because no tree is complete without a pickle.

Because there might just be one child in your house who isn’t yet afraid of clowns…yet.

Kids…did you ever wonder how Santa could “see you when you’re sleeping and know when you’re awake….” 

And don’t even get me started on the whole selection of “Pornaments” offered by Spencer’s Gifts.  Yea, I totally am NOT going there…

And finally – just to prove that our UPS guys have an amazing sense of humor – because you know they’d have to in a season of a million packages…

Ahhh…the beauty, the splendor – the – smell of cardboard.

Merry Christmas Shoppers!

Special thanks to Bronners, Spencers Gifts, and UPS for these, um … fabulous additions to the holiday decor.  No, really.  Thank you.  Without you guys – I’d really have nothing to do.

Categories , ,

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Travel Trinkets

It’s always fun when you are traveling to go and look at the tourist items they have for sale.  You know the stuff – postcards with picturesque views of the state you are visiting, spoons shaped like copper shovels, hats that say “Lost my Head in Arizona” stuff like that. 

Here in Arizona it’s especially fun because all of our trinkets have pictures of rattlesnakes and scorpions on them…because you know – that’s all we’re known for out here.

But don’t forget next time you visit my lovely state of Arizona to pick up your Arizona Flask…


Ah, the beauty, the functionality – the travel sized Key-chain version…


Found at my local Wal-Mart with the Arizona shot glasses.  And I only got one or two funny looks as I took the pictures too…

Categories , ,

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Just because it works for Apple…

Doesn’t mean it’ll work for you.

Seriously people, stop putting the small letter “i” in front of your product names. 

It does not make you cool any more guys than signing up for Ballroom Dancing at BYU guarantees them a date…

(Chortle…snort…sorry, if you don’t go to BYU or don’t know about BYU that isn’t funny to you – but it’s stinkin’ hilarious to me :)


For instance…



Or the:


iBalance (it’s a fancy schmancy scale)

or how about:


the iGo spray bottle?  Oh now we’re just getting silly.

Here’s another iGo…


At least this one is a GPS System so the name kinda makes sense…

Let’s stop this insanity now – please I beg of you.  The tiny “i” has got to go.  I mean what would happen if we all started copying wildly successful phenomenon's?  Things like “Dancing with the Stars” would become some silly knock off like “Skating With The Stars” and then where would we be???


They DID???

Oh.  Well then little “i” people, carry on. 

Categories , ,

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

GoPet Exercise Wheels – it’s not what you think…

You know how you get a dog and at first walking it is fun and enjoyable – and then it just gets to be annoying?  I mean – these dogs just like to go outside all the time!  First they are bringing you their leash, and then they start to interrupt the “Price is Right” because they want to go outside and run and play…sheesh!  If only they made giant hamster wheel type contraptions for dogs…then you would never have to miss another over bid on the final showcase ever again…wouldn’t that be cool?


Hmmm….I stand corrected.  Not cool.  Not cool at all.  I mean, you still have to get up and put him IN that thing…

well okay, what if there was one that attached to their kennel or dog run in the back yard?  Then you’d NEVER have to pay any attention to your pet at all!  (except to feed it of course…)


Oh … well … um… hmmmm….Why does that look like a giant chicken coop with an exhaust fan to me?

Oh that’s right, because that’s EXACTLY what that looks like.

Well, maybe there’s a happy medium…a small treadmill built just for Fido…he can walk himself – just tether him to it with a leash…


Oh boy.  Um. Ok.

I think I’m going to go take my dog for a walk now…a real one, in the park with the trees and the grass and – um you know – fresh air.

And just in case you think this is photoshopped artwork – which you know I’d never – ever do…(heh heh heh) These are found at  Another bona fide legitimate pet product company…well a pet product company anyway.

Categories , ,

Monday, November 29, 2010

Airbrush Body Tattoo Kit…

For those who want the Bad Boy persona…without all the pain…or permanence of it all.


Just don’t get it wet.

Because I’m pretty sure a running tattoo will surely lose you some major street cred.

(okay technically, the site does say they are waterproof – but that’s just not as funny.)

Categories , , ,

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Do you have your turkey yet?

Ever find yourself the day before Thanksgiving without the main course?

Have you ever gone to the store to find one only to discover they are all FROZEN SOLID and there’s no way you’ll get it thawed, seasoned, cooked and on the table on time?

Do you own a rifle?

If you answered YES to any of the above – but mostly to the third one – you may be in luck. (uh, so to speak…)


Don’t worry about trying to fish all those pesky steel shot pellets out of your game.  Just pluck it clean and place it in the oven…the flavor pellets (ie: ammo) will melt in the oven to season the bird for you!   Shoots, Kills, Seasons.

Wow, a two-step turkey.  Ya know, with the first step being go out and hunt it down…

I think I’d rather take my chances with the frozen turkey – personally.  Just think of the mess to clean up the kitchen alone after an endeavor like this…and then you still have to make pies!

Categories , ,

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

More Thanksgiving Day Finds…

Planning your perfect Thanksgiving dinner?  Do you have your turkey picked out and thawed out for cooking tomorrow?  You didn’t thaw out the turkey? 

That’s okay – you can always serve this instead…



That’s right folks – your very own turkey shaped Jell-O mold.

Oh, and don’t forget to wash it down with this:


The Jones Soda Company’s yearly treat – Tofurkey and Gravy Soda.  Mmmmm…

Make your friends and family say - “Can we at At McDonalds this year????”

The sure fire way to make sure you never have to host Thanksgiving again…ever.  Probably Christmas and Easter at your house will be cancelled too.

Categories , , ,

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I like Star Trek as much as the next girl…


I’ve never considered decking out my kitchen with these items:

The USS Enterprise pizza cutter…boldy go where your pepperoni has never gone before…

Enterprise Pizza Cutter
“Dammit Jim, I’m a Doctor, not a pizza delivery boy!”

Or how about these beautiful hanging lights:


“No Billy, the aliens aren’t really coming from the ceiling.   It’s the Enterprise…they are friendly.”

I also can’t say that I’d have one of these hanging in my kitchen either:


The family room, sure, but not the kitchen. 

“What time is dinner?”

“Half past the Klingon War Bird”

Teach ‘em young Trekkers – teach ‘em young.

(Pizza slicer found at, Starship hanging light at, and the clock – bask again in it’s awesomeness…

Categories , ,

Monday, November 22, 2010

The Most Wonderful Time of The Year…

I love this time of year.  People always find the most inventive ways to take ordinary items and turn them into splendid holiday gifts.

I love walking into stores and finding previously neglected items turned into amazing holiday gifts with the addition of a simple wrapping bow:


Nothing says Happy Holidays like Red Meat -  Amiright???

I seriously think I’ve underestimated the gift quality of meat.  Seriously.

Meat also makes a great decoration, in case you didn’t know…

Ahhhh…the pork and potatoes nativity … a must in every home.  This decoration is also accompanied by the time honored Christmas Carol “We Three Kings Became Puppy Chow” (Sung to the tune of “We Three Kings Of Orient Are” of course)

These bath gift baskets have always made me giggle.  I realize they are supposed to be a gift of relaxation and pampering treatments – however whenever I get one I can’t help but think…

“Merry Christmas Mom!  You STINK!!!”


(Pretty please use this before our company gets here…no really, hurry.  Maybe you should use it twice…)

This next gift is a beautifully wrapped piece…


Isn’t it gorgeous?  Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to get chocolate for Christmas.  The more the merrier – BUT, it still kinda says “I thought of you while standing in the grocery checkout line…” Dontcha think?

Oh – Wait, I get it---you are buying the chocolate bar for the same person you are buying THESE for:


(isn’t it awesome how they incorporated the BOW into the packaging?  No need to wrap!  Pure GENIUS I tell you!  GENIUS!)

Or finally – because buying her that blender last Christmas didn’t get you in enough trouble…


Oh look!  What I always wanted … A Bottle brush.  Gee.  Thanks.



Thank you Bill C. for pointing out to me that meat is not only thoughtful but also romantic.  Who knew…

Categories , , , , ,

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Hizamakura Lap Pillow

Do you remember the Hug Me Pillow?  No?  You can see it Here.

Apparently the men felt left out of the whole “I need a special pillow to comfort me while you are away” thing.

So they decided to invent this:


What is it?  

Other than a creepy bottom half of a woman wearing a short skirt?

It’s a lap pillow of course.


Awww…doesn’t it just make you feel all warm and snuggly inside?

Yea, me either.

Again – found at Japan Trend Shop.  Where they are always coming up with new ways to comfort you.

Categories , ,

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Japanese Flu Masks

Remember a few years back with the Avian flu hit and then the Swine flu?  Face masks were all the rage – you saw them everywhere. They were almost a fashion trend.  Almost.

Of course if they had started out with these…the trend might have stuck.


Yes, that really is a chimpanzee formed mask.

If I had one of those I don’t think I’d wait for the flu.  I’d wear it every day. Really.   EVERY DAY.

found at Japan Trend Shop … where they are always on the front lines of fashion.

Categories , , ,

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Give Thanks…

To the Porcelain Throne.

I mean heck – as long as you are decking out the house for the holidays, you better remember the most used seat in the house, am I right?

Of course I am.


Toilet Tattoos – The Thanksgiving design (which makes me think there are other designs out there too???) for Elongated or standard toilets. 


There now, I’m back. And in the spirit of Thanksgiving,  I’m sure you’re giving thanks for that.  Did you miss me? :)

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Categories , ,

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Real Or Not Real

*enter music and 25 gorgeous 20-something men (think GQ here people…)with briefcases…*

Hello, and welcome to REAL or NOT REAL – the show that helps you determine if the marketing geniuses at ACME are behind these fabulous new products or if they actually are products that someone “WILL BUY”…I’m Wowie Canttell – and our first contestant is IDA Buyanything.

In the first case – the iARM…the hands free device for all of your electronic needs…

Wowie: What do you think?  Real or Not Real???

IDA: *excited shopper with credit card in hand…*

REAL, definately real Wowie!  I want ten!

Wowie: oh.  so CLOSE…but oh so far- no, unfortunately this one is not real.  Please exit slowly as not to hurt yourself.

OK, for our next contestant – Cyn E. Cal

Cyn – here is your product – tell me, real, or not real: The BUTTER STICK…


Cyn E Cal: Oh Wowie, give me something hard, this is definitely NOT REAL.  Seriously, who would buy this?

Wowie: Are you sure about that?

Cyn: Totally, there’s no way that is a real Product…give me the money and let’s move on.

Wowie: OH So sorry!  The butter stick IS Real.  In fact, it is popular in New Zealand, and was in fact the subject of a Science fair project at Kamo Intermediate School.  Better luck Next time Cyn E Cal…


*Cyn E Cal leaves with the beefcake man and the briefcase waving his arms and shouting out various obscenities at Wowie*

Wowie: Some people just cannot handle the truth!

Okay, for our final product today, tell me new contestant Max Dought – is this REAL or NOT REAL – this one comes to us all the way from our friends in Japan…


Max Dought – real or not real?

Max: Wowie, I’m just not sure on this one, but it really SEEMS like a good idea…

Wowie: We really need an answer.

Max: I just don’t know!!!

*buzzer sounds*

Wowie:Well, that’s all the time we have for today!  Tune in next week to find out if this product is REAL or NOT REAL!  In the mean time – you can cast your vote below!

Happy shopping everyone!

Categories ,

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

The Snuggie For MEN

I know.   I’m going to catch a lot of crap about this.  A lot of you LOVE your Snuggie.

But may I ask…when was the last time your HUSBAND said - “Man, I need me a blanket with sleeves…and make it a camouflage one so I don’t lose any cool points for wearing it when my buddies are over to watch football.”

Cricket.  Cricket….Chirp.  Chirp.

That’s what I thought.  Not a single respondent.


But let’s say on the off chance that those of you out there with men that DO love their Snuggie to watch football in somehow have laryngitis, and I simply couldn’t hear you when you spoke up earlier…Can I ask you – has your Manly Man of Men ever taken his precious snuggie fishing?


Because if he hasn’t, I’m really not sure why.  This seems super practical to me…right?

Sorry about the grainy picture of the man fishing in his Snuggie.  Apparently it isn’t as popular as one might think because there are simply no pictures outside of the one on the box of a man actually doing this.  Well either that or the man is simply too embarrassed to post them. 

Categories , , , ,

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Benign=Barbie in Chinese…

This summer we had a bit of a breast cancer scare at my house.  Turned out to be benign – which of course is AWESOME (You can read the whole story here) but…


Benign Girl Cell Phone toy.

It’s of course a Chinese Barbie knock off thingy.

Do you think someone should explain the meaning of “Benign” to the marketers?

“Oh, we will sell new toy to girls in America.  It pink.  It got Barbie-like girl on front…we call it ‘benign girl’ so Matel don’t get mad…”

*cheers and loud applause*

“Benign mean – special.  Lots of women happy about being benign..just read these stories on woman website which also pink…”

*more cheers and loud applause”

Yep, that’s exactly how I imagine this one happened.  Prove me wrong, I dare ya.


Wednesday, September 15, 2010

You Gonna Cover That Up?

Here in Arizona about two years ago, a mother was cited for breast feeding in public.

Granted, she was topless, and at a public swimming pool making absolutely no effort to cover up – at all – but you know, her personal choice, yada yada yada.  I personally nursed all 5 of my kids – but never in public like she did.  I’m much to quiet and reserved for that type of public display…shut up, I am too.

Anyway – I’m not going to get into whether I think it was wrong or right for her to be ticketed by police for indecent exposure.  I don’t even want to start the conversation (this is a humorous look at products after all, not a political forum – with the exception of the republican and democrat toilet paper, which we can all agree is funny regardless of which side of the proverbial fence you are on…)  I only bring it up because of this toy:


She seems innocent enough, right?

Um wait – Now I do believe I’ve seen it all in the world of kids toys. 

Two things -

1) Magnetic Pasties


2) Realistic sucking noises.

I’m just not sure where to file this one, educational toys?  Health and medical?  Strange and Creepy?  I’m just at a loss.

Categories , , ,

Thursday, September 2, 2010


There are a lot of fads in womens shoes these days.  I mean Lady Gaga alone could inspire an entire blog post with her footwear.

But these are not Lady Gaga’s shoes.

At least I’m pretty sure they are not --- these are actual FOR SALE footwear…now who would buy them…

Giraffe lovers?


Outside of the Box thinkers?


(Herring boxes without topses…c’mon sing with me!)


Carmen Miranda?


Bindi the Jungle girl – all grown up of course…


Do you enjoy barefoot walks across the grass?

image image

And finally, I know barefoot running (sort of…) is all the rage these days…so why not these shoes for a night out on the town?


Something about these shoes makes me very glad I wear sandals – normal five dollar sandals from Wal-Mart.  Very, very glad.

Categories , ,

Someone Will Buy This...A Collection of Strange and Stupid Products Copyright © 2011 Design by Ipietoon Blogger Template | Women's Secret