Pooping...you're doing it wrong.

And here, I thought the biggest advance in the flush toilet was the elongated seat.

Loo Read

I know we've covered this a few times.  As a mother of five, I rarely get time alone.  I do retreat from time to time to the household throne room, close and lock the door and just bask in the quiet solitude.

(of course I only do this in the Master bedroom throne room - the others in the house aren't quite as relaxing if you get my drift...or if you were to get a whiff...same diff...hey I'm a poet!  Look ma, I can RHYME! on second thought, maybe a little free time outside of the throne room would be a good idea.)

According to the manufacturer - it's perfect for the tabloid sized newspapers - (because this is created in the UK an tabloid is the name for an actual newspaper - with real news and stuff, not just pictures of the latest mars invasion)  But larger newspapers will work well too with minimal overhang. 

Because the last thing you want in the bathroom is overhang.

Gelli Baff

Or for those of us who still have our two front teeth – “jelly bath.”
Did you ever have the dream of swimming in a pool full of partially set jell-o?  Or did you ever try and dump hundreds of boxes of jell-o in your family swimming pool –only to get in really deep trouble from your parents/roommate/spouse when it clogs the pool pump? No? oh.  Oops. I never did that either.  Promise. I still have no idea how the pool turned into lime green sludge in the summer of 97.  Honest. (and my parents don’t read this blog – so Yay me.)
Anyway – Our friends across the ginormous lime-gelatin free pond known as the Atlantic Ocean think that everyone’s dream of a pool full of Jell-o should come true.  So they invented Gelli-Baff.

The powder turns regular bath water into – as one reviewer put it – “a big bath full of gelatinous poo” for your children to play in.
Remember Nickelodeon’s Slime awards?  Slimer from the Ghost Busters?  The jell-o pudding from Better Off Dead?
Yea, that is what this is – only they actually want you to put your kids in it – on purpose and without the promise of royalty payments (you know, from being a movie star). 
So my only question – is it bad that I’m now calculating just how much water and Gelli Baff it’s going to take to fill my Garden tub in my bathroom?

Automatic Toilet Flusher.

I saw this amazing ad for a great product….as a mother of five (toilet flushing challenged individuals…) I was thinking HEY – This looks AWESOME!  Seriously – who wouldn’t want something that did the following:

• Automatic Toilet Flusher just like those in Public Restrooms
• Includes 4 Built-In Flushing Functions
• Flushing Function 1: Sensor Flush with Adjustable Distance Sensor flushes when you Walk away from the Toilet
• Flushing Function 2: Sensor Flush Plus Delay - Flushes Toilet with Sensor plus Additional 7 Second Delay
• Flushing Function 3: Touch-Free Hand-Wave Flush - Flushes your Toilet with the Wave of your Hand in Front of Sensor
• Flushing Function 4: Automatic 24 Hour Flush - Flushes Once a Day while you Travel
• Installs in Less then 10 Minutes
• Fits Virtually All Toilets in the U.S. & Canada
• Batteries Included that last for up to 100,000 Flushes!

Amiright?  Honestly – every mother’s dream come true, right?

Right?

Except when you realize the product is marketed for use by Cats.

That’s right – cats.

There’s not a rule that says I can’t buy it anyway and install it for my kittens right?  I’ll even make them use a fuzzy headband with pointed ears and tail if needed. 

Notice I didn’t even MENTION the fact that there are people out there toilet training their cats.  There were no “Meet the Parents” references.  I think I should also get credit for NOT posting this video from their website.  I also haven’t mentioned anything about the toilet training kit for Cats.  Not a word.  I’ve really grown in maturity don’t you think?

Give Thanks…

To the Porcelain Throne.

I mean heck – as long as you are decking out the house for the holidays, you better remember the most used seat in the house, am I right?

Of course I am.

Toilet Tattoos – The Thanksgiving design (which makes me think there are other designs out there too???) for Elongated or standard toilets. 

Fabulous.

There now, I’m back. And in the spirit of Thanksgiving,  I’m sure you’re giving thanks for that.  Did you miss me? :)

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Potty Light

Okay – so admittedly, I have girls mostly so the aiming thing isn’t an issue.

But even my two boys are fine with the whole “potty” thing.  Really – never missed once.  Even in the dark.

That’s why this one makes me laugh:

Question – if they are so tired that they aren’t able to “aim” in the dark – are they really gonna remember to turn the light on?  Is it motion activated?  Please tell me it isn’t moisture activated…because if it is, I’m afraid they’ve hung it a bit high on the seat for my comfort…

The Coolest You’ll Look Pooping In Your Pants

And I really wish that was just a snazzy headline for this post, but sadly – no – it’s actually part of Huggies’ marketing campaign for their new Little Movers Diapers series…

Blue Jeans.

I’ve let my kid run around the house in just a diaper and a t-shirt before.  Honestly, what parent hasn’t?  But seriously?

It’s okay to wear just your underwear in public, as long as it looks cool.

Oh, and if you don’t believe me about their campaign slogan – here’s the commercial, straight from their website:

wait for it….wait for it….

I Poo In Blue. That sounds like a medical issue to me. Not a fashion statement. Just Sayin'.

Towel Oragami – Just In Case You Wondered…

Ever have the uncontrollable urge to fold your towels into exotic palm trees or graceful swans and then thought, “darnit – if only there was a book out there somewhere that gave me step by step instructions with beautiful color photos…”

Wonder no more.

Yes, it really is a lost art.  I’m not going looking for it either.  (from our friends at Sky Mall..)

Not Your Every Day Cookie Press…thank goodness.

This one is definitely sold as a gag gift.

At least, I sincerely hope and pray with all my might and with all that I am that this is considered part of the gag gift market and not part of the “serious and useful inventions” market.

Using the same idea that is behind your kitchen cookie press I present to you ….

The Turd Twister.

Yes.  I am not kidding.

Now you CAN poop four leaf clovers and then call in the family to marvel in it’s splendor.

Oh, and don’t forget – they are dishwasher safe…because that’s um, sanitary.

Inflate-a-potty

Who is on Latrine duty?

Aw man?  Really????

Inflate-a-potty.

Ok, I see the idea here, really I do.  I’m a camper.  I like the outdoors.  I’ve even dug my fair share of latrines. Something soft to sit my tush on would be fabulous when out in the wilderness – but I’m not sure I’d go the route of

“inflate like you would a beach ball”

That involves my mouth doesn’t it?

Thinking…thinking…

Yes, yes it does.

I suppose I could technically pass that task off to one of the kids while setting up camp.

*shudder*

I know how kids are.  No thanks.

Sha Sha Sha Poopie!

No more bending over to pick up dog poop.

That is – for those of you that have dogs and have to pick up after them.

I’m thinking, however – I might just get me one of these to follow my potty training toddler around…

Sha Poopie.  Functional – on so many levels.

Sink Positive

These days there is a lot of talk about water conservation, being green, and eco-friendly solutions to every day problems.

For instance…how to save on space in an already small bathroom.

How about, Sink Positive?

You see, the sink uses the toilet’s existing water plumbing for hand washing, tooth brushing, late night drinks of water….and the used water drains into the toilet’s tank for flushing of the…well…other stuff.

Here’s the deal.  I don’t care how clean the water supply is coming into the toilet.  I am NOT using it to brush my teeth, or wash my hands.  But that’s just my opinion.

I’ll do my part to conserve water in our household.  Promise.  I’ll stop letting the water run while I brush my teeth…in the conventional sink.

iPooped

Okay . . . so yesterday I was at our local electronics store (trying to buy a new bluetooth headset…which is another entertaining story entirely…) and I got into a conversation with the nice sales clerk who was helping me with my purchase.

We started talking about this blog, and the many products that we’ve featured.  He laughed and told me I needed to check this one out:

What is it?  Maybe this will help…

Yes, that really is an iPod dock with an attached toilet paper holder.  (it’s called the iCarta…)

Yes, they really do sell them at this specific electronics store (but if you don’t live in Arizona to check it out, you’ll have to go here for proof of it’s existence).

And yes, I caused a scene with my laughter…and I’m proud of it.

Everyone Loves A Light Show

Who doesn’t want to shower in the fountain at the Bellagio?

Moments of pure magical luxury.

And Las Vegas’ finest officers won’t even drag you out.  Because if they did, that’d be weird.

Do NOT Go In There… (in my best Jim Carrey voice…)

Never have to be embarrassed again with unsightly bathroom odors.  Not with one of these special “seats” in the house.

http://www.hammacher.com/Product/76762?refsku=77319&xsp=2&promo=xsells

The automatic deodorizing toilet seat.  Every home needs one. Really.