Bieber Duck Tape

Look at the bright side, you could use it to seal up blow holes. Could be cathartic.

Four words. Happy Hot Dog Man

Okay so I totally stole the title of this post from my friend Kim.  Yep, outright theft.  But it's okay, because you see - she still loves me.

What is the "Happy Hot Dog Man?" - I thought it was a part of the set of weenie roasters I posted here.  Turns out I'm wrong.

Turns out I'm not even  in the same ballpark. Still not sure what it is?  Here are the tag lines from the commercial...

"The Happy Hot Dog Man makes a Happy Imprint on your Hot Dog."

um, what?

"Just boil him in water to start the fun!"

Because I always consider boiling water the precursor to anything fun.

"Safe for kids"

Boiling water and sharp plastic knives. Um kay.

"Take your family's food from boring to scoring!"

I dare the next Master Chef participant to use this one on Ramsey.  Double Dog Dare.

"Make your meal a weiner."

Totally my personal favorite.

Yay!  Happy Hot Dog Man!

SO much for imagination

Are kids these days really so devoid of imagination that a good felt tip pen can't create a memory anymore?

Really, a hand drawn eyeball on your hand doesn't create hours of fun and puppet play anymore?

Honestly, where's the imagination these days?  When I was a kid, I could have totally dreamt these up with a ball point pen and a flashlight.  Possibly some bubble gum and a paperclip too - er, no, wait, that was MacGuyver.  Sorry - wrong memory.

Either way - kids are just not as creative on their own as we were as kids.  Honestly, when I was little I had a stick and some string and I was entertained for hours.  No - wait, that was my cat...or Huckleberry Finn...either way, wrong memory again my apologies.

I guess I really did have a deprived childhood.  But still - it is a sad world we live in when kids can't just enjoy a hand drawn face on someone's hand while it makes animal noises...wait...nevermind.

No Comment.

Really. None. Whatsoever.

Found at my local Target store.  While Shopping.  With my kids. Who wanted these. Real. Bad.

Rose Art Tattoo Writer

For the four year old HellsAngel in all of our homes.

Tramp stamp stencil sold separately.

Gelli Baff

Or for those of us who still have our two front teeth – “jelly bath.”
Did you ever have the dream of swimming in a pool full of partially set jell-o?  Or did you ever try and dump hundreds of boxes of jell-o in your family swimming pool –only to get in really deep trouble from your parents/roommate/spouse when it clogs the pool pump? No? oh.  Oops. I never did that either.  Promise. I still have no idea how the pool turned into lime green sludge in the summer of 97.  Honest. (and my parents don’t read this blog – so Yay me.)
Anyway – Our friends across the ginormous lime-gelatin free pond known as the Atlantic Ocean think that everyone’s dream of a pool full of Jell-o should come true.  So they invented Gelli-Baff.

The powder turns regular bath water into – as one reviewer put it – “a big bath full of gelatinous poo” for your children to play in.
Remember Nickelodeon’s Slime awards?  Slimer from the Ghost Busters?  The jell-o pudding from Better Off Dead?
Yea, that is what this is – only they actually want you to put your kids in it – on purpose and without the promise of royalty payments (you know, from being a movie star). 
So my only question – is it bad that I’m now calculating just how much water and Gelli Baff it’s going to take to fill my Garden tub in my bathroom?

Wooooaaahhh Daddy….

For the day when your achin’ back just can’t take anymore, but your kids just can’t get enough…

The Daddle.

If mom wears it is it the Momdle?

What about the Grandpadle?
(Nevermind, that sounds like something that would happen if Grandpa’s Depends fail.)

Found at: http://www.mamabebe.com/playhorhasne.html – giddy’up.

The Concept is Right – But The Execution is Lacking…

I love the dollar store.

There are so many awesome finds there for so many things.  Stocking stuffers – for one – can be found a plenty at the dollar store.

Why do they have such great deals?  

Usually it’s because some manufacturer has misprinted a label, a store has ordered too many of a product, and other times it’s simply because a product did not sell – no matter what they did to promote it.  A lot of times, things end up at the dollar store because they have some not too obvious design flaws that only stand out when you stare at it for an extended period of time…

Do you see it yet?  It’s like Trouble only with Race Cars right?

Um yea – that’ll spread Holiday Cheer alright…

 

*shudder* excuse me while I go wash the “ick” off…

Benign=Barbie in Chinese…

This summer we had a bit of a breast cancer scare at my house.  Turned out to be benign – which of course is AWESOME (You can read the whole story here) but…

Benign Girl Cell Phone toy.

It’s of course a Chinese Barbie knock off thingy.

Do you think someone should explain the meaning of “Benign” to the marketers?

“Oh, we will sell new toy to girls in America.  It pink.  It got Barbie-like girl on front…we call it ‘benign girl’ so Matel don’t get mad…”

*cheers and loud applause*

“Benign mean – special.  Lots of women happy about being benign..just read these stories on woman website which also pink…”

*more cheers and loud applause”

Yep, that’s exactly how I imagine this one happened.  Prove me wrong, I dare ya.

You Gonna Cover That Up?

Here in Arizona about two years ago, a mother was cited for breast feeding in public.

Granted, she was topless, and at a public swimming pool making absolutely no effort to cover up – at all – but you know, her personal choice, yada yada yada.  I personally nursed all 5 of my kids – but never in public like she did.  I’m much to quiet and reserved for that type of public display…shut up, I am too.

Anyway – I’m not going to get into whether I think it was wrong or right for her to be ticketed by police for indecent exposure.  I don’t even want to start the conversation (this is a humorous look at products after all, not a political forum – with the exception of the republican and democrat toilet paper, which we can all agree is funny regardless of which side of the proverbial fence you are on…)  I only bring it up because of this toy:

She seems innocent enough, right?

Um wait – Now I do believe I’ve seen it all in the world of kids toys. 

Two things -

1) Magnetic Pasties

and

2) Realistic sucking noises.

I’m just not sure where to file this one, educational toys?  Health and medical?  Strange and Creepy?  I’m just at a loss.

Now With Magical Marshmallows…

I was at the store the other day.  We’ll call the store “Schmall-mart” (only because I need to protect the retailer from certain embarrassment simply because they carry this product….)  Anyway I was in the freezer section looking for something healthy and good for you (what…it could happen…) and I found these:

Cereal Conez…now with Magical Marshmallows.

Think Drumsticks – only….not.

Remember how your favorite part of the Lucky Charms used to be the Marshmallows?  That is before you grew up and got all health conscious…okay well some of you did. 

These cones attempt to mix our two favorite things from childhood – ice cream cones and Magical Marshmallows.

I. Had. To. Try. Them.

Yes, that’s me.  Don’t laugh.

I invited my friend Ginger over and we proceeded to experiment…well I did.  She took the pictures…lucky, lucky girl.

The reveal….
 
The discovery…

The texture test…ooooooo….Spongy….(which by the way, I’m not even certain is a word, but Ginger and I say it is…so there.)

The first attempted bite…It was a false start…I smelled the marshmallow goodness and had to regroup…besides, the marshmallows were not like the ones I remembered from my bowl of Lucky Charms last night when I was little…they were soft and squishy and … well…not at all what I was expecting.

Okay…here we go…ready, set…

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!  But look at all the pretty colors…

Sad to say, it wasn’t exactly the magical moment I was promised…however the kids liked them…which is good, because I would hate to say that I just took a three dollar bite of marshmallow magic.

 

They certainly look happy…

 

Caution: not to be eaten without supervision…there is chocolaty goodness that coats the inside of the spongified (again, it is a word because WE say so…) cone after all…

Scooter Stroller

Remember when you were a kid and you’d go grocery shopping with your mom – and when she wasn’t looking you’d take a running start and then jump up on the wheel bar of the shopping cart and ride it through the store?

I remember it like it was yesterday…

Probably because I did do that yesterday.

I’m not completely convinced that this fun little shopping pastime didn’t spawn this idea:

Not sure exactly what that is?

Here’s a better picture:

*blink*

{shaking head}

I am so disappointed that my kids no longer need strollers.

Thank you Matt and Eunice for throwing this our way.  I’m pretty sure I might still want to get one for Summer…ya think it’s adaptable for dogs?

Fuzzoodles

Remember when you were a kid and you would have hours of fun playing with pipe cleaners making them into funny animals and then taking pictures of them if funny poses?

Oh, and then there was that time that you put all your Mr. Potato Head parts on him to give him eyes and teeth and hands and stuff…

Um.  Okay.

Look, I know Mr. Potato Head might have ended up on this blog if he was brand new – after all, he started off as a bucket of parts that you poke into a real potato… But I believe Fuzzoodle is trying a little hard to play off the success of Mr. Head.  Fuzzoodle is like the less talented towel-boy little brother to the star quarterback Mr. Potato Head.  Only, Fuzzoodle should really be on the Chess team.  Or debate.  Or both. 

If you don’t find Fuzzoodle in the debate team, check the dumpster.  Woody, Buzz and Mr. Potato Head put him in there so that he wouldn’t ruin their new movie Toy Story 3. 

Fabulous Finds Friday – Harkins Summer Movie Fun

Okay, so this one only affects those of you who live in a location where there are Harkins Theatres…which I do – so there.

Every summer Harkins does this amazing thing…they play movies.  Just for kids.  At a huge discount.

It’s great. It’s fabulous -  it’s something to do away from the house and out of the heat.

Typically the movies are older releases – things that have been played in the theatre in the last year or so.  This year, for example the movies include Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs, Ice Age:Dawn of the Dinosaurs, Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakwel…

Anyway – you get 10 movies for 7 bucks (per child of course)…so for my family of 5 kids plus me it was a whopping – are you ready???  $42.00. 

10 weeks worth of movie theatre fun, and only $42 bucks. 

The really cool thing is this:

I have a really big purse, and I’m not afraid to use it.  No – I’m not smuggling in neighborhood children (did you not just see that I take FIVE children with me voluntarily?)  No, I bring snacks.  And nobody seems to care.  In fact, most people bring their own snacks.   Of course, they have refreshments there – but I’m a bargain hunter so … ppppppllllbbbbttttt!!!

So, if you live in Arizona, California, Colorado, Texas or Oklahoma – check it out.  Trust me it’s totally worth it…

Oh, and there’s this too – the entire theatre is filled with kids – so if yours gets a little noisy or unruly – nobody cares.

Sweet.

The Coolest You’ll Look Pooping In Your Pants

And I really wish that was just a snazzy headline for this post, but sadly – no – it’s actually part of Huggies’ marketing campaign for their new Little Movers Diapers series…

Blue Jeans.

I’ve let my kid run around the house in just a diaper and a t-shirt before.  Honestly, what parent hasn’t?  But seriously?

It’s okay to wear just your underwear in public, as long as it looks cool.

Oh, and if you don’t believe me about their campaign slogan – here’s the commercial, straight from their website:

wait for it….wait for it….

I Poo In Blue. That sounds like a medical issue to me. Not a fashion statement. Just Sayin'.

Get Better Bears

Okay, sorry ya’ll for going “radio silent” these last few days.  Seems that whatever this ickyness is that is going around has hit my house – and as a mother of five, that means a whole lot of Motrin, cough syrup and tissues.

Of course, it means more snuggles for mommy too – which I admit, I don’t hate.

Anyway – in one of my many outings to the local pharmacy to get provisions – I saw these:

Here’s the deal – I’m all about trying to find new and innovative ways to get my kids to take their medicine.  I grew up in an era where my mother used to dissolve my medication into a bowl of applesauce (to this day, I still do NOT like applesauce, but at the time, it worked!)  I struggle with the Motrin in a cup or syringe sometimes – especially with my three year old…

But to me – making medicine look, taste and feel like candy?  That registers all sorts of bad thoughts and images in my mind…in our house, we keep the medicine up as high as possible – out of the reach of the kids, not in the candy cabinet. 

Please Wash Your Hands…

So for those that don’t know, I have five children.

Five children that were, at one time, babies.  Little teeny tiny, defenseless babies.

They’ve since grown out of that…

Anywho…

One thing about babies in public places is this – everyone wants to touch the baby.  Including people that don’t KNOW the baby.  True story – in a grocery store I had a lady actually lift up the protective germ barrier fortress surrounding my baby (IE the blanket over the car seat) and stick her head UNDERNEATH to get a closer look.  Can we say invasion of personal space?

Too bad I didn’t have one of these:

Yea, because that’d keep Nosy Nillies away from your kids.   Sure it will…

Mommy I’m Here!

Ok, so I knew I was glutton for punishment when I went out and Googled “Bad Mother’s Day Gifts” but you know – anything to keep you all entertained.

One thing I didn’t expect though – a GPS device designed with the ultra paranoid, super sensitive mommy in mind.  Look, I’m a paranoid parent…I find myself audibly counting to five often when I’m in public with the kids (you know to make sure we haven’t lost – or even worse GAINED one in our travels…)  But I don’t know that I’d stoop to this level…at least not until they are teenagers.

That’s right ladies (and gents) it’s a cutesy wootsey little GPS device disguised as a bear with a belly button homing beacon.  Tie this to your kids’ shoe and never lose them again.  Or at least never lose them as long as they are within the pre-determined radial distance and within ear shot.

Comfort Food

When people say that Ham and potatoes is “comfort food” do you think this is what they had in mind?

I don’t think so either…but hey, if fleece meat means comfort to you, then more power to ya.

Oh, and don’t forget the Bacon.

Of course.

Headlights

I know what you are thinking.

Or maybe I don’t.  Whatever.

Anyway – ever get up late at night and need to navigate your way through the house – but don’t want to turn on a light because it might wake up other sleeping members of the family?

Ya, I don’t really know what that’s like either – everyone in my family could sleep though pretty much anything including the fire alarm…but that’s another story altogether.

BUT – if you do ever find yourself in such a situation maybe consider buying yourself a pair of these…

My problem would be that I’d need them to light up in order to find them to put them on in the first place.

Ooooo…maybe if they joined with the “Clapper” or something – kinda like the little remote on your key chain for your car?  Clap once and the lights blink on and off?  Now THAT would be cool.