SO much for imagination

Are kids these days really so devoid of imagination that a good felt tip pen can't create a memory anymore?

Really, a hand drawn eyeball on your hand doesn't create hours of fun and puppet play anymore?

Honestly, where's the imagination these days?  When I was a kid, I could have totally dreamt these up with a ball point pen and a flashlight.  Possibly some bubble gum and a paperclip too - er, no, wait, that was MacGuyver.  Sorry - wrong memory.

Either way - kids are just not as creative on their own as we were as kids.  Honestly, when I was little I had a stick and some string and I was entertained for hours.  No - wait, that was my cat...or Huckleberry Finn...either way, wrong memory again my apologies.

I guess I really did have a deprived childhood.  But still - it is a sad world we live in when kids can't just enjoy a hand drawn face on someone's hand while it makes animal noises...wait...nevermind.

OSAMA's Dead Flask

A navy seal walks into a bar and orders an "Osama Bin Laden." The bartender looks at him quizzically and asks, "what's in that?" The seal replies..."Two shots and a splash of water."

Can I get a rimshot here? 

*ba dump bum*

Thank you, thank you folks, I'll be here all day!!!  Don't forget to tip your waitresses.

And now some words from our sponsor - OSAMADEADFLASKS.com.

Yea, no words...just pictures.

Maybe a few words...Okay, I see why you'd want to commemorate that day.  Being that I don't drink any alcohol - do you suppose it'd be okay to put Koolaid in there?

Holds five shots, so you can say that you got your five shots in on Osama...

Do you think red koolaid would be appropriate?

 Thank you Jarred of OsamaDeadFlasks.com for contacting me about your product. I honestly can't wait to get the samples in the mail - and I'm going to have to come up with a very interesting giveaway for them.  A simple drawing doesn't do a product like this justice.

Best of the Worst Commercials.

There were a few nominations on our facebook page - but then this was brought up (sorry, bad choice of words).

It's the OMGIGP (Oh my Gosh I'm Gonna Puke) video for IE8...

Classy Microsoft.  Really Classy.

Comment below on this - or to suggest your favorite best of the worst.  Although, not really sure how you can get much worse than this...Flo from Progressive is a close second tho...

Rose Art Tattoo Writer

For the four year old HellsAngel in all of our homes.

Tramp stamp stencil sold separately.

Diamonds? Cubic Zircon? No…

It’s Grandma.

Or Fido.

Or Uncle Ste-vah.

Whatever you wish.

You see – you can send them the ashes of your recently (or not so recently) deceased loved one, and they will create a piece of Gemstone jewelry for you to wear.

Everyday.

So Grandma can always be close to your heart…

Or Fido can rest comfortably around your neck.

In gemstone form, of course.

Think – diamonds…with floating imperfections. (Although of course I would never call your Uncle Ste-vah an “imperfection”)

found at http://www.mycrystalcompanion.com and submitted by http://www.mycrystalcompanion.com, and I quote “we do have a certain sense of humor about our product and that is what has prompted us to contact you”

Thank you for contacting me…really – thank you.

The Concept is Right – But The Execution is Lacking…

I love the dollar store.

There are so many awesome finds there for so many things.  Stocking stuffers – for one – can be found a plenty at the dollar store.

Why do they have such great deals?  

Usually it’s because some manufacturer has misprinted a label, a store has ordered too many of a product, and other times it’s simply because a product did not sell – no matter what they did to promote it.  A lot of times, things end up at the dollar store because they have some not too obvious design flaws that only stand out when you stare at it for an extended period of time…

Do you see it yet?  It’s like Trouble only with Race Cars right?

Um yea – that’ll spread Holiday Cheer alright…

 

*shudder* excuse me while I go wash the “ick” off…

Twilight…

I love Twilight.  That period before dusk where the sky is a brilliant shade of blueish blackish navy and the stars are just starting to appear…

wait – what?

Twilight is a book?

and a movie???

Okay – yes, I did know that…and out of principle alone I’ve not read it (or seen the movie(s).  I can appreciate a good book and a great movie – it’s the MERCHANDISING that drives me bonkers.

Yes, of course there’s the obligatory Twilight Lunch box (which of us as kids DIDN’T have a lunch box with our favorite movie character or super hero on it?)  I can leave that alone.

I can even appreciate the Twilight bedding set for the teenage girl who is absolutely without a doubt on Team Emeril  (what?  whatever his name is then.)

But – I mean --- Really???

How about a onesie for the not yet addicted (as far as they know)

Or a bra…

how about your very own Edward to cuddle with (in Pillow form of course?)

No, not like that….One more like this:

I gotta tell you, I really don’t see what all these women see in him…

Seriously though, the minute I see an Edward or Bella toothbrush, I may have to have myself temporarily committed to a home for the insane…just promise not to have me roomed with any vampires.

Hug Me…

Do you miss a loved one?

Are you sometimes lonely and only want a hug?

Are there times when you just want to feel that special someone’s arms around you telling you that everything will be o.k.?

It will be o.k.  There is something you can do.

Don’t let the Micky Mouse colors and four fingers fool you.

This is a hug from your loved one – delivered in a pretty little box by the ultra hot UPS guy…(okay, so my UPS guy isn’t ultra hot…but I’ve seen commercials claiming that they do exist, and a hug-less girl can dream…)

Hug-E-Gram for that someone special.  Because it’s far less creepy and weird than sending a lock of hair for them to remember you by.

What’s More Interesting…

The toy itself, or the directions?

Here’s the toy:



To be honest, I’m not entirely certain what this is.  The directions for use should help right?

This is a very funny toy with a famous proverb "Money talks". Beautiful and funny song sings "money,money,money...I can do anything for you". Best gift for the kids. Description:
• 
  This Funny Skeleton Toy is a very funny Kids Toy with a famous proverb : Money makes the mare go.
  
• 
  A super funny Grinder Toy for your kids who is ups to 3 years old
  
• 
  Made of durable hard plastic
  
• 
  Grinding Skeleton Toy powered by 3AA batteries(not included)
  
• 
  Open the up cover of millstone, put some shampoo in it.
  
• 
  Add 10ml water from the pinhole
  
• 
  Fix the skeleton
  
• 
  Turn on the switch
  
• 
  Put a coin into the rectangle hole and then you can see the skeleton is grinding for money with flashing. When the foam falls off, open the up cover, put some shampoo and water in the millstone will be ok.
  

Ummm…. yea, that clears it up, thanks.

Because I Love You…

Nothing quite says it better than giving your loved one the Ebola virus.

or Maggots.

or of course the ever popular Swine Flu…

At Giant Microbes you can get your loved one the gift that you can be sure shows them just how much you care this Valentines Day.

Or, you could just stick with Chocolate and flowers - or nothing …nothing at all. 

Trust me, as a woman – the “nothing” route is going to get you in a lot less trouble than if you were to give your wife or girlfriend say…..Herpes.

The Baby Keeper

I’m a mother of five, and I have to admit – sometimes it’s difficult to keep my ever watchful eye on all five children at once.  And don’t get me started on when they were babies…oh goodness…they were all over the house – and lightning fast!  Too bad I didn’t have a Baby Keeper!  Oh no, of course not…I wasn’t quite that lucky.

Okay…so maybe this is a much better idea than hanging your child on the door knob in a plastic sack (which I also do NOT recommend – for the record.  I mean hey – if those bags rip with only a few cans of corn in them…not that I’ve tried it, because I haven’t, really.)  It’s also a much better method than this:

I mean the money saved on the repainting and duct tape alone…

(I’m shaking my head here…really, I’ve got nothing more to add to this – okay, you know me better than that, I have A LOT more I can add to this, but there is only so much time in the day…and you, my dear readers, need to get back to work….)

Garden Gnomes…

In my opinion, garden gnomes are creepy… except for the Travelocity gnome.  I like him, mostly because of his British accent – For some reason the British accent makes him a lot less creepy…that and the promise of free world travel…but I digress.

This little garden gnome proves the theory – If you slap an NFL team logo and name on any product it will sell.  Because seriously, someone will buy it.  Creepy garden Gnome or not.

Look, there’s even a creepy She-Gnome too.

I’m sorry, that’s too much for me. 

Nice to Meat You…

I’ve been to my share of conventions over the years.

I’ve collected a fair amount of business cards – I’d say easily in the thousands.

I’ve always found it a problem to remember which particular person I met went with which particular card.  After a few days of “meeting and greeting” and passing around cards – all of the names and faces blur together.

Enter the “Meat” card…

Never be forgotten again.

Seriously, never.

Unless of course your prospect gets hungry and eats it…

Of course – if you don’t have  a profession which required business cards…you can get Christmas Meat Cards as well.  Think of it … two gifts in one!  Better start working on that Christmas letter though, you are limited in space, and no – I don’t think he’ll print a family photo.  Meat has it’s limitations after all.

Subtle Butt

So you are in public.

You had Chili for lunch.

You really, really need to –well – let nature take whatever course it normally takes after you eat beans.

You know it will be of the silent-but-deadly variety.

No need to fear – Subtle Butt is here.

That’s right, disposable charcoal liners for your um, undergarments.

Ah, never to be embarrassed again by unsightly odors.

I’m sure they arrive in a plain brown paper package too.

The Final Battle

Finally, the opportunity to have the age old question answered – who are better – carnivorous meat eaters or vegetarians?  Only one will remain standing in this epic event …  that’s right, it’s Mr. Bacon vs. Monsieur Tofu – The ACTION FIGURES!

Don’t be fooled by the monocle – Monsieur Tofu is a tough – uh- well, he’s not really a cookie…bean sprout- yea, that’s it, bean sprout.  And Mr. Bacon will hog the ring (Pun totally intended) for a possible victory.

Get yours now – these are sure to be next Christmas’ hottest item… and don’t forget to pick up your bacon flavored mints and bandages while you are at it!

Found at Amazon.com

Road Bags

Seriously, it’s not what you think…or perhaps if you are like the tens of others who keep this company in business it IS what you think…either way – the only phrase that comes to mind is - “Not in MY car.”

These bags are for long road trips where the rest stops are few and far between (or closed due to state economic slow downs…)

The best part of these is the clever little mini van design for men…



Oh the things I could say about this…

One Manly Pun after another.

Seriously though, if they are for the manly man who refuses to stop to answer the call of nature (read the website sales copy – this thing just sells itself!) – shouldn’t these be shaped more like a stubborn mule and less like a Mini-van?  What does the image of a mini van conjure up for you?  Yep, me too – soccer mom with several kids.

Lest the women be left out – there is a ladybag too.  It boasts a wide rim for easy relief, and a fabulous Fig Leaf pattern.



um…

Thinking about the logistics alone…

Choking on giggles.   Trying to be serious here…really.  This is serious stuff.

One simple request…Please, don’t buy these for long road trips with Grandma.  No one wants to see that.

You found me! - Ginger W of Phoenix Arizona won this Amazon Cash on 8/18/2010!  Keep looking, there just might be another!

Reindeer Poop

Mothers everywhere are closing their eyes.  They are grabbing for the hand sanitizer and swearing to never take their kids to the petting zoo…ever.  At least not after finding this little gem:



That’s right folks, reindeer dispensers who poop out chocolate and caramel flavored jelly beans.  What’s not to love?

Thinking.

Thinking.

Thinking.

Yep, nothing at all.  These things are fabulous.

Hug Me Pillow

For those nights when you are cold and alone -

How about a half of an upper torso to keep you company?



There are so many things I could say about this.  But, I’m leaning on my powers of restraint, and leaving the commentary up to you – and this lady – an actual reviewer comment left on the purchasing site:

“I bought this pillow to keep my company on nights when my husband, a correspondent for the Trans-Alaskan News Network, was out of town. The pillow exceeded even my wildest expectations. I'm told the pillow was modeled after Brad Pitt, and I believe it! When I first nestled against the soft, but firm chest of my new "husband" I slept better than I ever had before. Now I don't mind when my husband goes out of town!”

Blink.  Blink.  Letting the above comments soak in.  Shaking head…


And for some reason, I’m thinking further commentary wouldn’t be allowed on a “family” site.

For those who don’t believe me, the link is here:
http://www.overstock.com/Home-Garden/Hug-Me-Pillow/1676854/product.html

That is all.

Chia Obama

Ok, I have to admit, I’ve fallen prey to the Chia Pet madness.  I owned one – well two actually if you count the herb garden.  I am a child of the 80’s after all, and that is when these babies made their debut.

I can’t help but wonder – in all the strides we’ve taken in racial equality and not stereotyping – is a terra cotta version of our President with an 80’s Afro made out of alfalfa really appropriate? 

*stern look and eyebrow raised*

What is this teaching the children anyway?

Of course in the spirit of being politically correct – there is a Chia Hillary also available.  Wow, they’ve thought of everything – now there is something for everyone.

https://www.chiaobama.com/flare/next

OK now, sing along with me …cha cha cha chia!