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Mmmmm…Fresh Sushi…in a frozen cardboard tube and eaten much like a push pop ice cream treat…
Fresh and delivered daily.
As fresh as frozen sushi can be anyway.
(I’m classifying this as an edible gift – but you must know, I have my reservations about that.)
Ever find yourself the day before Thanksgiving without the main course?
Have you ever gone to the store to find one only to discover they are all FROZEN SOLID and there’s no way you’ll get it thawed, seasoned, cooked and on the table on time?
Do you own a rifle?
If you answered YES to any of the above – but mostly to the third one – you may be in luck. (uh, so to speak…)
Don’t worry about trying to fish all those pesky steel shot pellets out of your game. Just pluck it clean and place it in the oven…the flavor pellets (ie: ammo) will melt in the oven to season the bird for you! Shoots, Kills, Seasons.
Wow, a two-step turkey. Ya know, with the first step being go out and hunt it down…
I think I’d rather take my chances with the frozen turkey – personally. Just think of the mess to clean up the kitchen alone after an endeavor like this…and then you still have to make pies!
Planning your perfect Thanksgiving dinner? Do you have your turkey picked out and thawed out for cooking tomorrow? You didn’t thaw out the turkey?
That’s okay – you can always serve this instead…
*shudder*
That’s right folks – your very own turkey shaped Jell-O mold.
Oh, and don’t forget to wash it down with this:
The Jones Soda Company’s yearly treat – Tofurkey and Gravy Soda. Mmmmm…
Make your friends and family say - “Can we at At McDonalds this year????”
The sure fire way to make sure you never have to host Thanksgiving again…ever. Probably Christmas and Easter at your house will be cancelled too.
I love this time of year. People always find the most inventive ways to take ordinary items and turn them into splendid holiday gifts.
I love walking into stores and finding previously neglected items turned into amazing holiday gifts with the addition of a simple wrapping bow:
Nothing says Happy Holidays like Red Meat - Amiright???
I seriously think I’ve underestimated the gift quality of meat. Seriously.
Meat also makes a great decoration, in case you didn’t know…
Ahhhh…the pork and potatoes nativity … a must in every home. This decoration is also accompanied by the time honored Christmas Carol “We Three Kings Became Puppy Chow” (Sung to the tune of “We Three Kings Of Orient Are” of course)
These bath gift baskets have always made me giggle. I realize they are supposed to be a gift of relaxation and pampering treatments – however whenever I get one I can’t help but think…
“Merry Christmas Mom! You STINK!!!”
(Pretty please use this before our company gets here…no really, hurry. Maybe you should use it twice…)
This next gift is a beautifully wrapped piece…
Isn’t it gorgeous? Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to get chocolate for Christmas. The more the merrier – BUT, it still kinda says “I thought of you while standing in the grocery checkout line…” Dontcha think?
Oh – Wait, I get it---you are buying the chocolate bar for the same person you are buying THESE for:
(isn’t it awesome how they incorporated the BOW into the packaging? No need to wrap! Pure GENIUS I tell you! GENIUS!)
Or finally – because buying her that blender last Christmas didn’t get you in enough trouble…
Oh look! What I always wanted … A Bottle brush. Gee. Thanks.
Thank you Bill C. for pointing out to me that meat is not only thoughtful but also romantic. Who knew…
I was at the store the other day. We’ll call the store “Schmall-mart” (only because I need to protect the retailer from certain embarrassment simply because they carry this product….) Anyway I was in the freezer section looking for something healthy and good for you (what…it could happen…) and I found these:
Cereal Conez…now with Magical Marshmallows.
Think Drumsticks – only….not.
Remember how your favorite part of the Lucky Charms used to be the Marshmallows? That is before you grew up and got all health conscious…okay well some of you did.
These cones attempt to mix our two favorite things from childhood – ice cream cones and Magical Marshmallows.
I. Had. To. Try. Them.
Yes, that’s me. Don’t laugh.
I invited my friend Ginger over and we proceeded to experiment…well I did. She took the pictures…lucky, lucky girl.
The reveal….
The discovery…
The texture test…ooooooo….Spongy….(which by the way, I’m not even certain is a word, but Ginger and I say it is…so there.)
The first attempted bite…It was a false start…I smelled the marshmallow goodness and had to regroup…besides, the marshmallows were not like the ones I remembered from my bowl of Lucky Charms last night when I was little…they were soft and squishy and … well…not at all what I was expecting.
Okay…here we go…ready, set…
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! But look at all the pretty colors…
Sad to say, it wasn’t exactly the magical moment I was promised…however the kids liked them…which is good, because I would hate to say that I just took a three dollar bite of marshmallow magic.
They certainly look happy…
Caution: not to be eaten without supervision…there is chocolaty goodness that coats the inside of the spongified (again, it is a word because WE say so…) cone after all…
Because you know, you always needed a travel case for your single serve cupcake.
Just don’t tip it upside down. (So I’m thinking lunchbox use is a no?)
http://www.cupacake.com/shop.asp
Today is my birthday - (which explains the late post…or at least I say it explains it. None of the activity explained below has anything to do with this late post…promise.)
Anyway – two of my friends (remember the ladies with the fans? Yea, them…) noticed that I’m apparently incapable of eating Skittles candy without sorting them first.
Yes, I sort my Skittles – you can blame my mother for that. I love her for it too – really I do. really.
So these two friends took it a step further and decided that if I can’t eat Skittles without sorting them, I probably can’t eat any other mixed colored candy without sorting it either.
Guess what – they were right.
All this week, every day – twice a day – I’ve received a package. What was in the package? A small bowl filled with mixed colored candies.
Exhibit A:
Exhibit B:
There was even one full of M&M’s – plain and peanut together in the same bowl. OH THE HUMANITY! ahem…sorry, I’m better now. Honest.
Problem was, once I sorted the plain from the peanut – I couldn’t leave it alone.
All those colors mixed together just looked… messy.
So, here it is, in all my obsessive compulsive disorder.
So here’s my product proposal – because I know I’m not the only sorter out there…
I KNOW I’m not – and don’t tell me otherwise…I’m not crazy…la la la la la*fingers in ears…*I’m not listening!I
Please – candy companies of the world…sell your flavors as individually packaged novelties. I’m telling you – it’s a new niche market. You’ll make millions.
Millions…you hear me – there’s at least that many people out there like me.
Shut up – there are too. Let me believe it. It makes me feel better.
These suckers are not for kids.
Unless you like the bouncing off the walls running in circles climbing the curtains type of child.
Think Geek says these suckers contain 70mg of caffeine per pop – which is as much as a single energy drink.
For those of you that don’t know me well (And why not? It isn’t like I’m a mysterious person who doesn’t interact with her adoring fans…) I don’t drink anything caffeinated. I don’t eat anything with caffeine in it. I haven’t for 10 years.
That’s right, I’m naturally perky.
I can only imagine what the consequences of me ingesting one of these might be…
Yep, that’s about right.
Okay, so I know that this is a very popular processed meat food in Mexico.
I completely understand that there are words in other languages that just look funny to us ignorant Americans.
This one just made me laugh out loud.
In the middle of Wal-Mart.
In the meat department.
Yesterday.
Couldn’t help it. I completely embrace my ignorance.
Yep, that’s FUD alright. Glad we solved that mystery.
Yet another genius idea from the bacon lovers of the world.
And I’m kinda torn – this one probably should be posted tomorrow…because ya know, tomorrow is Friday…
But…
Bacon Flavored Popcorn. It’s vegetarian and Kosher…
Because everyone loves veggie bacon.
Found at Perpetual Kid.
As a child of the ‘80s I’m all for food products from a can…
EZ cheese for example…fabulous.
Dream Whip – scrumptious.
but --- well, this one just doesn’t feel right to me…
mmmm…canned pancake batter.
And it’s all organic.
Because we all remember the class field trip to the aerosol can farm.
Riiiiigght.
In honor of Easter, how about some Canned Bacon?
How does bacon fit into Easter? Well…Ham is the traditional Easter food, right? Bacon and ham come from the same place…
Okay so it’s a stretch. Whatever. Enjoy your canned bacon.
Available in the US for the first time in 20 years…(Why oh why did this ever disappear from the market??? WHHHYYYY!!!???) And not available in any stores…Yoder’s Canned Bacon. You won’t even know it came from a can…
Here Comes Peter Cotton Tail…
Easter is coming. Are you planning your breakfast with the family? Me too. We’re gonna have bacon and eggs.
um….not quite like that.
I’ve heard that chocolate dipped bacon is actually pretty good. It’s got a salty sweet quality that is supposedly fabulous…
These eggs are filled with “soft buttery bacon caramel.”
I love caramel.
I love chocolate.
I even love bacon.
I’m just not so sure about all three of them at once.
However – we have previously determined that everything is better with bacon, right?
Right.
So what is the problem then?
Whoever said a lollipop wasn’t a fashion accessory?
What? no one? Nobody has ever considered a lollipop as essential in their wardrobe as say their purse or favorite pair of earrings?
Huh. Well then I guess you wouldn’t want to pay $22.00 for this then:
In case you were wondering, the handle IS reusable – you can buy extra lollipop heads in a package of 3 for $12 dollars.
My question – are these made by DumDums?
Huh.
I guess not.
Could’ve fooled me.
While there is nothing inherently wrong with a single serve pickle (of the non-yodeling variety) for some reason this product simply caught me off guard.
Perhaps it’s because of the pickle floating in a soft plastic bag in a strange yellowish fluid.
Perhaps it’s because of the cartoon pickles dancing and apparently singing on the packaging.
Perhaps it’s because of the names given to the pickles themselves – in this case “Sassy” for the Hot Mama Variety and “Portly” for the Big Papa Variety.
Yep. That’s it.
It’s the names.
You should never, ever name your pickle.
That is all.
What is America obsessed with more than diet and exercise?
Well, yes that too – but I’m talking about our pets.
So why not buy them something that they could really thank you for, in their own little wet-nosed-kisses kind of way.
How about some bottled water for your pup?
Puddle Water? Gutter Water? Toilet Water? Or some regular every day Hose Water? Okay, so they are flavored waters – beef, lamb, chicken and liver – but still…
The best part is, it comes in packs of four for only 8 dollars. That’s ONLY two dollars per bottle – wow! What a bargain for your favorite pup?
This is where I have to admit I’m not a dog owner. I have fish – and children (five of them) – but I still think that even with this fancy water – old Fido is still going to try to drink out of the toilet. You can feel free to correct me if I’m wrong here…but I don’t think I am. And my mother always told me that it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.
if you don't want to deal with the whole messy conversion of dollars to Euros or Cheerios or whatever the currency is...)
Someone Will Buy This...A Collection of Strange and Stupid Products Copyright © 2011 Design by Ipietoon Blogger Template | Women's Secret
