Instant Arm Lift

Sagging jiggly arms?

Embarrassed to wear the season's hottest short sleeved fashions?

No problem! Instant arm lift to the rescue!

Or, you could just wrap your arms in Beiber Duck Tape.  It'd only be slightly more noticeable, and will probably remove unsightly arm hair at the same time! It's a two for one Win-Win.

FacialFlex

So supposedly, you put this in your mouth and squeeze your cheeks and it makes you look years younger.

Um…Years younger isn’t exactly what I’m seeing.

Nope, not my first thought at all.

I can, however see men purchasing this in bulk for their wives.

Because you know if they  are doing this they can’t be talking…I hear that is annoying to some men.  My husband, on the other hand, loves the sound of my voice.

Right dear?

He says yes.

See.

And I Thought Toe Socks Were Weird…

So what shoes would one wear their toe socks with?

I mean, if you are going to go to all the trouble of separating each toe into it’s own little knitted cozy…you should have shoes to match, right?

Enter Five Fingers…the barefoot alternative…

Ok, so maybe I’m just old fashioned…or perhaps I still have a complex about the size and shape of my toes…but um…really?

Supposedly these are the best shoe on the market for running and exercise and Yoga. 

Hmm… maybe that’s why I don’t get it.

I don’t do any of those things.

By the way, if you are wondering what happened to the Easter theme…no worries – I say this still fits.  Afterall, perhaps Mr. Cottontail is looking for a shoe alternative for his long night hippetty hopping…I’m just sayin’.

Hello Clarice…

Because not only can you make your face look younger…
But you can also scare the crap out of your kids while you do it.
It’s a win win.


Rejuvenique face mask – because women will do anything to retain their youth…really, absolutely anything.

Miracle on Ice

When I was little, my parents used to flood the local field in the winter.  When it was frozen we’d get all the kids from the neighborhood together and put on our ice skates and take to our newly created skating rink to pretend we were Olympic Hockey stars winning the gold with Mike Eruzione and the Miracle team of 1980...

Oh, wait – no, that’s a scene out of The Mighty Ducks.

I live in Phoenix.

However, now you can make a skating rink for your kids in your backyard (again, provided you live somewhere that it actually gets COLD) – and, says the manufacturer, it’s big enough for those tots to “skate like the pros”.


Um….hmmmm….I’m definitely not a Hockey player or figure skater…but, ummm…welll…I’m not really certain there really is enough room there to skate like a pro.  Just guessing anyway.  Besides, the best part about ice skating is watching the Zamboni – is it not?  I just don’t think we’d be able to get one of those on there…Sure, with some elbow grease and creativity, maybe…

Shake-n-weight

First, I’m sorry if there seems to be an over abundance of exercise products on this blog.  It seems though that the American obsession with diet and exercise has completely taken over the infomercial and strange product market.

That being said…remember seeing old commercials and late night movies featuring these:


Okay, ya – me either.  I’m not nearly that old.

However – apparently the shaking phenomenon has returned.  And, I have to say – this one is slightly more entertaining to watch that the old grainy film footage I remember seeing of the previous models.


There now, don’t you feel pounds lighter after watching that?  I know I got a work out just from the video itself!  My sides hurt!

The shake weight is available for both men and women…and I’m stopping here with the commentary – it’s better that way.

Thank you Mario D. for finding this one – now get back to work!

Double Chin Gotcha down?

So…Ms. Jones, Thank you for being with us today.

*Nodding furiously*

We appreciate the time you have taken to speak with us about your new found figure.

*nodding, nodding, nodding*

You seem very enthusiastic, tell me, how did you lose the extra chin and folds in your neckline?

*nodding*

Ms. Jones?

*Nodding, head up and down, furiously*

Ms. Jones?

*Shuffling papers, producing this picture*


Oh.  Well, um…thank you for your time Ms. Jones…  Up next on Trendy Tips…The HugMe Pillow – never sleep alone again….

The Hawaii Chair

The title alone renders thoughts and images of white sand beaches and gently swaying palm trees…relaxation and serenity…doesn’t it?

I don’t think serenity is exactly the point here.  Supposedly, perfectly toned wash-board abs-while-you-sit is the point.

Watch this informative (struggling to keep a straight face here) commercial…






AHAHHH AHAHHAH HAHAHAH HAHAHAHAH!!!

I’m sorry – I can’t contain myself…must catch breath…breathe…breathe!!!!
Imagine typing a letter while sitting on this thing…

helo2w wir,
i a9encpoloigize for th39e grzmme45r in ty8is let56ter.  Yo8u s3ee, i’jum typingw2 wh9opl;e s98tting on mty n43w hqauwwaii chu8air.  pr409oductivity7 is d20own, but4 oyu sh2ou7lsd se34 my ab8ws!

Ah hem…okay, I’m done…

AHHH HHAHAHH AHAHAH HAHAHA!!!

(okay, now I’m really done….)