Noodles?

Maybe I just don't know enough about golf for this to make sense, but 'noodle, long and soft' seems questionable to me. Just sayin'.

The Snuggie Goes Camping

Remember how we used to laugh at the Snuggie - the blanket with sleeves - and think "why didn't I think about selling backwards bath robes to poor unsuspecting individuals and earn lots of money while doing it?" Oh and we also thought "who on earth would buy that?" (because that is why you are here, after all)

Well now take a look - it's not a blanket with sleeves, it's a sleeping bag with legs.

Or if you aren't comfortable with a sleeping bag with legs - and you prefer your own footwear - (who doesn't, really.  I mean I don't like bowling alley's for a reason...)

I'll give it this - it is slightly more manly than the Snuggie for Men.

Only slightly though.  This one doesn't come in camouflage after all.

It's not a Fork...It's not a Spork...

It's a "Fork/Knife/Spoon thing" - or the "Light My Fire Spork" depending on which website you find it on.


I love it when the ridiculousness of the product is only outweighed by it's name.

GoPet Exercise Wheels – it’s not what you think…

You know how you get a dog and at first walking it is fun and enjoyable – and then it just gets to be annoying?  I mean – these dogs just like to go outside all the time!  First they are bringing you their leash, and then they start to interrupt the “Price is Right” because they want to go outside and run and play…sheesh!  If only they made giant hamster wheel type contraptions for dogs…then you would never have to miss another over bid on the final showcase ever again…wouldn’t that be cool?

Hmmm….I stand corrected.  Not cool.  Not cool at all.  I mean, you still have to get up and put him IN that thing…

well okay, what if there was one that attached to their kennel or dog run in the back yard?  Then you’d NEVER have to pay any attention to your pet at all!  (except to feed it of course…)

Oh … well … um… hmmmm….Why does that look like a giant chicken coop with an exhaust fan to me?

Oh that’s right, because that’s EXACTLY what that looks like.

Well, maybe there’s a happy medium…a small treadmill built just for Fido…he can walk himself – just tether him to it with a leash…

Oh boy.  Um. Ok.

I think I’m going to go take my dog for a walk now…a real one, in the park with the trees and the grass and – um you know – fresh air.

And just in case you think this is photoshopped artwork – which you know I’d never – ever do…(heh heh heh) These are found at http://www.gopetusa.com/index.php.  Another bona fide legitimate pet product company…well a pet product company anyway.

The Snuggie For MEN

I know.   I’m going to catch a lot of crap about this.  A lot of you LOVE your Snuggie.

But may I ask…when was the last time your HUSBAND said - “Man, I need me a blanket with sleeves…and make it a camouflage one so I don’t lose any cool points for wearing it when my buddies are over to watch football.”

Cricket.  Cricket….Chirp.  Chirp.

That’s what I thought.  Not a single respondent.

But let’s say on the off chance that those of you out there with men that DO love their Snuggie to watch football in somehow have laryngitis, and I simply couldn’t hear you when you spoke up earlier…Can I ask you – has your Manly Man of Men ever taken his precious snuggie fishing?

Because if he hasn’t, I’m really not sure why.  This seems super practical to me…right?

Sorry about the grainy picture of the man fishing in his Snuggie.  Apparently it isn’t as popular as one might think because there are simply no pictures outside of the one on the box of a man actually doing this.  Well either that or the man is simply too embarrassed to post them. 

Roast My Weenie

Okay, so I know for absolute certainty someone will buy these – although in the one documented case I’m aware of it was a situation of mistaken purchasing.

Or so they say…

Anyway, while this is a family friendly site, I’m simply going to direct you to the website where weenie roasters of all um…shapes and sizes…can be found.

http://www.roastmyweenie.com

and here’s a taste of some of the products you will find:

It’s an elephant people…an elephant.  Sheesh.

Umbrella Rain Tube

I have to admit, I’ve looked all over to find this item for sale in the US, and sadly, it just doesn’t seem so.

Nope, this baby is being hoarded by the Japanese. 

Darn those selfish Japanese inventors, merchandisers and retailers…

Hmmm… on second thought – they can have it.

Mommy I’m Here!

Ok, so I knew I was glutton for punishment when I went out and Googled “Bad Mother’s Day Gifts” but you know – anything to keep you all entertained.

One thing I didn’t expect though – a GPS device designed with the ultra paranoid, super sensitive mommy in mind.  Look, I’m a paranoid parent…I find myself audibly counting to five often when I’m in public with the kids (you know to make sure we haven’t lost – or even worse GAINED one in our travels…)  But I don’t know that I’d stoop to this level…at least not until they are teenagers.

That’s right ladies (and gents) it’s a cutesy wootsey little GPS device disguised as a bear with a belly button homing beacon.  Tie this to your kids’ shoe and never lose them again.  Or at least never lose them as long as they are within the pre-determined radial distance and within ear shot.

Inflate-a-potty

Who is on Latrine duty?

Aw man?  Really????

Inflate-a-potty.

Ok, I see the idea here, really I do.  I’m a camper.  I like the outdoors.  I’ve even dug my fair share of latrines. Something soft to sit my tush on would be fabulous when out in the wilderness – but I’m not sure I’d go the route of

“inflate like you would a beach ball”

That involves my mouth doesn’t it?

Thinking…thinking…

Yes, yes it does.

I suppose I could technically pass that task off to one of the kids while setting up camp.

*shudder*

I know how kids are.  No thanks.

Poop Tent

Doggy gotta go but it’s raining outside?

Perhaps Fido is a little shy?

That’s okay, here’s a Port O Let for pups.

“Place some of their waste into the tent to introduce your pets to it’s purpose”

Question…if your potty was pre-used  would you still use it?  Maybe most dogs aren’t that discriminating…I don’t know. 

Edith Ann? Is that You?

 

Yep, that’s Edith Ann…the happy (obnoxious) five year old played by Lily Tomlin – in her giant rocking chair.  She was funny, entertaining and quite comfortable in her genius – which could only come from Lily Tomlin

 

And this is …well … just plain weird.  But, ya know, if you want to try out your inner Edith Ann, be my guest.  (Found at Hammacher Schlemmer…of course.)

Pee Time

Have you had to recently stick to just nine holes instead of a round of 18?

Do you find yourself fidgeting on a par 4 wishing you’d made that last stop at the clubhouse?

Have you found yourself eyeing a water hazard and thinking – nobody would care…

Don’t ever let your bladder get in the way of your golf game again.

It’s the UroClub.  The golf club you can pee in.  “The greatest Golf Gift, EVER.”

I think this definitely falls under that category of - Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.  However – if you must, they provide a privacy cloth – for discretion of course.

Frost and Toss…

Yet another reason I will never have a dog.

Yes.  That’s Poop Freeze Animal Waste Spray.  Their actual tag line is “Frost and Toss”…

Here’s the description from Amazon – because honestly, I couldn’t write any better than this:

Poop happens- just freeze it! Just frost and toss! Completely non-flammable. Cools surfaces down to 62° F…Spray and then wait 10 seconds and a white crusty film solidifies the waste.

Gross.

Gross.

Gross.

Ew.

Ick.

Wait – am I over thinking this…I know being an Arizonian, 62 degrees is considered cold…but freezing?  I’m not sure I’d even say that…I defer to my Northern neighbors – what exactly is the freezing point of poop?  62 huh?  Interesting.

Miracle on Ice

When I was little, my parents used to flood the local field in the winter.  When it was frozen we’d get all the kids from the neighborhood together and put on our ice skates and take to our newly created skating rink to pretend we were Olympic Hockey stars winning the gold with Mike Eruzione and the Miracle team of 1980...

Oh, wait – no, that’s a scene out of The Mighty Ducks.

I live in Phoenix.

However, now you can make a skating rink for your kids in your backyard (again, provided you live somewhere that it actually gets COLD) – and, says the manufacturer, it’s big enough for those tots to “skate like the pros”.


Um….hmmmm….I’m definitely not a Hockey player or figure skater…but, ummm…welll…I’m not really certain there really is enough room there to skate like a pro.  Just guessing anyway.  Besides, the best part about ice skating is watching the Zamboni – is it not?  I just don’t think we’d be able to get one of those on there…Sure, with some elbow grease and creativity, maybe…