The Look Dogs Crave

Somehow, I doubt that very much.

Shed-a-Way Pet Vacuum

I have a dog.

Although I've been told that with her breed that is questionable as to whether or not she's really a dog. But I digress...

I'm always on the lookout for ways to groom her a little easier, train her a little better, etc. etc. and so on.  So today in my journeys on the internet - I found this...

The Shed-a-Way vacuum attachment by Bissell.
 
It attaches to your vacuum, and as you brush your dog, the hair is sucked up the tube and discarded of in the vacuum bag or container.

Problem is-vacuum has be to running for it to work.


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I don't know about your dogs, but when mine hears the vacuum, this is what happens:

Something tells me the Shed-a-Way isn't such a great idea for my dog.  Just sayin'.

Automatic Toilet Flusher.

I saw this amazing ad for a great product….as a mother of five (toilet flushing challenged individuals…) I was thinking HEY – This looks AWESOME!  Seriously – who wouldn’t want something that did the following:

• Automatic Toilet Flusher just like those in Public Restrooms
• Includes 4 Built-In Flushing Functions
• Flushing Function 1: Sensor Flush with Adjustable Distance Sensor flushes when you Walk away from the Toilet
• Flushing Function 2: Sensor Flush Plus Delay - Flushes Toilet with Sensor plus Additional 7 Second Delay
• Flushing Function 3: Touch-Free Hand-Wave Flush - Flushes your Toilet with the Wave of your Hand in Front of Sensor
• Flushing Function 4: Automatic 24 Hour Flush - Flushes Once a Day while you Travel
• Installs in Less then 10 Minutes
• Fits Virtually All Toilets in the U.S. & Canada
• Batteries Included that last for up to 100,000 Flushes!

Amiright?  Honestly – every mother’s dream come true, right?

Right?

Except when you realize the product is marketed for use by Cats.

That’s right – cats.

There’s not a rule that says I can’t buy it anyway and install it for my kittens right?  I’ll even make them use a fuzzy headband with pointed ears and tail if needed. 

Notice I didn’t even MENTION the fact that there are people out there toilet training their cats.  There were no “Meet the Parents” references.  I think I should also get credit for NOT posting this video from their website.  I also haven’t mentioned anything about the toilet training kit for Cats.  Not a word.  I’ve really grown in maturity don’t you think?

Diamonds? Cubic Zircon? No…

It’s Grandma.

Or Fido.

Or Uncle Ste-vah.

Whatever you wish.

You see – you can send them the ashes of your recently (or not so recently) deceased loved one, and they will create a piece of Gemstone jewelry for you to wear.

Everyday.

So Grandma can always be close to your heart…

Or Fido can rest comfortably around your neck.

In gemstone form, of course.

Think – diamonds…with floating imperfections. (Although of course I would never call your Uncle Ste-vah an “imperfection”)

found at http://www.mycrystalcompanion.com and submitted by http://www.mycrystalcompanion.com, and I quote “we do have a certain sense of humor about our product and that is what has prompted us to contact you”

Thank you for contacting me…really – thank you.

GoPet Exercise Wheels – it’s not what you think…

You know how you get a dog and at first walking it is fun and enjoyable – and then it just gets to be annoying?  I mean – these dogs just like to go outside all the time!  First they are bringing you their leash, and then they start to interrupt the “Price is Right” because they want to go outside and run and play…sheesh!  If only they made giant hamster wheel type contraptions for dogs…then you would never have to miss another over bid on the final showcase ever again…wouldn’t that be cool?

Hmmm….I stand corrected.  Not cool.  Not cool at all.  I mean, you still have to get up and put him IN that thing…

well okay, what if there was one that attached to their kennel or dog run in the back yard?  Then you’d NEVER have to pay any attention to your pet at all!  (except to feed it of course…)

Oh … well … um… hmmmm….Why does that look like a giant chicken coop with an exhaust fan to me?

Oh that’s right, because that’s EXACTLY what that looks like.

Well, maybe there’s a happy medium…a small treadmill built just for Fido…he can walk himself – just tether him to it with a leash…

Oh boy.  Um. Ok.

I think I’m going to go take my dog for a walk now…a real one, in the park with the trees and the grass and – um you know – fresh air.

And just in case you think this is photoshopped artwork – which you know I’d never – ever do…(heh heh heh) These are found at http://www.gopetusa.com/index.php.  Another bona fide legitimate pet product company…well a pet product company anyway.

Will Somebody Please Call PETA?

These just can’t possibly be humane.

Look.  My Dog Summer actually has a few dresses.  She even has little booties to protect her feet from the blistering hot sidewalk (which, yes – you can fry an egg on in Arizona so why wouldn’t I put shoes on my poor puppy???)

But a wig?

Really?

Maybe on a Hairless dog.

No.

Not even then.

Seriously.

Found at http://wigglesdogwigs.com/products – where there are even more pictures of dogs that seem to scream…please, for the love of all that is decent and holy – save me now.

Puppy Ramps

I’ve fallen victim to many infomercials over the years.

Magic Bullet – Yea, I’ve got one.

Sham Wow – yep, got one of those too.

Mighty Putty…we’ll call that one a memorial purchase in honor of the late Billy Mays.

One thing I’ve found infomercials do really, really well is convincing poor sleep deprived members of society that they simply cannot live another moment without _________ (fill in the blank here).

My latest infomercial almost buy?

(I say almost here, because I did come to my senses…before I picked up the phone, thankyou.)

In case you don’t know, I recently adopted a puppy…well she’s five years old, but she’s puppy sized.  She really likes to sit on the bed, on the couch, etc…but she’s tiny, so getting up onto them is sometimes difficult for her.

So, there is this designer line of puppy ramps so that your small dog doesn’t have to feel left out and CAN get up on the furniture…

They come in “standard” and “designer” both products are represented here.  I think the difference is in color…and price.

So how much will one of these little ramps set you back?

$225.00 for the second one shown.

*ack* *cough* *choke* *other inaudible sounds and words…*

On second thought, she doesn’t need to sleep on my couch that bad.

found at http://www.puppystairs.com

Pet Stroller

Ever need to take your dog for a walk but don’t want to mess with that pesky leash? 

Get annoyed when Fido decides to sniff every rock and tree and creature you pass by?

Do you have a mini-pup with small legs that just can’t keep up with you?

Do you have a lot of extra money laying around that you just don’t know what to do with?

Well then, do I have a deal for you.  For the low, low price of $333.34 you can own one of these babies:

(dog not included)

Pampered Kitty

I had a cat growing up.

Actually I had two.  Abby (who hated everyone) and Rambo (who hated Abby).  It was great fun.

Anyway, we had one of those covered litter boxes that looks kind of like a dog kennel. 

Nothing. Like. This.  After all – we were normal people.

Well, pretty normal anyway – current state of mind not considered.

The Barkalator…

Maybe I watch too many episodes of Phineas and Ferb.  With the kids.  Yea, with the kids – we’ll go with that.

Anyway for some reason I see this product as something invented by the inept Doofenschmirtz.

And I also imagine him calling it “The Bark A Late Or” as only he can.

And explanation from Professor Doofenschmirtz:

You see, the little thing around his neck translates his FEEEELllings into human speech that comes out of the hand held dohickey.  It can tell you if she’s saaaad, hungry, or just needs to use the bathroom!  I will use it to be friends with all the dogs in the world (because you know, Perry, as a small boy I had a dog once and I could never figure out what she needed.  We never became the close friends that we could have been and I was such a sad little boy) What – what are you doing? Where are you going Perry the Platypus?  Perrrrry?

See, it now makes all the sense in the world.  A Barkalator (It’s actually called a Bowlingual Translator – but I like Barkalator better) will be coming to a store near you – if you live in Japan it will be near to you I mean, not anywhere near you in the United States…but you know, sort of.   Did I mention to use it you also need to know Japanese?  That’s just a small problem, right?

Oh, and here’s a video about Doofenschmirtz and Perry – just in case you have no idea who they are…and if you have no idea, I feel bad for you – I mean, really?

(My post is about dogs, and this is the closest Doofenschmirtz reference to Dogs I could find on Youtube.  Also, this show is on The Disney Channel – DISNEY people.  Thanks.)

My Birthday Present

My husband, (also known as the “best husband ever”) bought me the greatest birthday present.

Her name is Summer and she is 4.5 pounds and 5 years old.

 

So As I was looking for puppy accessories (you know, toys, leashes, collars, bones – stuff like that)  I found a few things that I consider to be, well – perfect for this site.

Let me show you a few things from my online adventure:

Apparently these purses are all the rage in Czechoslovakia. For adult women.  Apparently they didn’t quite get the Paris Hilton dog IN a purse thing.  They went directly to the purse shaped like a dog.  At least this one won’t run away…maybe.

Or this one – Space dog.

Yea, that’s not creepy looking at all.  Kinda looks like they wrapped her in tinfoil.  I think the person who designed this has had one too many Costco hot dogs…just sayin’.

Or, Gold tone:

I’m thinking it’s a bit too much like something you’d find in King Tut’s tomb.

and finally

Yea, that’s not disturbing…

Ok, yes – yes it is.  Here’s one more picture of my cute puppy to get that image out of your mind:

Much Better.

Bark Off

Again, I’m not a dog owner – but…This is Bark Off – An ultrasonic sound wave (or something like that) that annoys dogs to the point that they will stop barking.

There seems something strange (and somewhat mean) to me about hurting your dog’s sensitive ears so that they will no longer bark. 

Of course the ad doesn’t come right out and say that it hurts the dog…but it kind of seems like the same concept that my sisters and I enlisted as kids

“ow, quit it!”

*pinch*

“OW!  Quit IT!!!”

*pinch a little harder*

“OWWWWW!!! I’m gonna tell Mom!”

*pinches even harder* - “If you tell mom anything I’m going to make it REALLY hurt!”

“****silence*****”

Okay, on second thought, being a big meanie to achieve silence is incredibly effective.

I’m runnin’ K-9 Power

Forget Horsepower.

K-9 is the new way to go.

And, You don’t even have to move to Alaska or join the Iditarod either.

Get your very own Dog Powered Scooter today.  I promise.  I won’t call PETA.

Poop Tent

Doggy gotta go but it’s raining outside?

Perhaps Fido is a little shy?

That’s okay, here’s a Port O Let for pups.

“Place some of their waste into the tent to introduce your pets to it’s purpose”

Question…if your potty was pre-used  would you still use it?  Maybe most dogs aren’t that discriminating…I don’t know. 

Sha Sha Sha Poopie!

No more bending over to pick up dog poop.

That is – for those of you that have dogs and have to pick up after them.

I’m thinking, however – I might just get me one of these to follow my potty training toddler around…

Sha Poopie.  Functional – on so many levels.

Litter Kwitter

Sorry for two pet posts in a row…okay, no I’m not – sorry that is.

Have a cat?  Hate changing the litterbox?

Stop complaining and do something about it.

Train them to use the toilet, using the Litter Kwitter of course.

See.  Mr. Jynx a.k.a. Jinxie  isn’t the only toilet talented feline.

(ok, if you don’t know who Mr. Jynx is … you really need help … and you need to rent “Meet The Parents” immediately.)

Sit Fido, Good Dog.

Ok, so here’s another one that I need you dog owners to chime in on.

I had a dog when I was a kid, really I did.  His name was Rastas and he was a white poodle.

However…

When it came to Rastas eating from the table – Mom was pretty clear on the “no” factor.

So I’m pretty sure that we’d never have had one of these…

That’s right.  A doggy high chair.

I dare you to keep Fido from eating table scraps now.

By the way, this one comes to us via Hammacher Schlemmer – you know, the airplane catalog people.

Frost and Toss…

Yet another reason I will never have a dog.

Yes.  That’s Poop Freeze Animal Waste Spray.  Their actual tag line is “Frost and Toss”…

Here’s the description from Amazon – because honestly, I couldn’t write any better than this:

Poop happens- just freeze it! Just frost and toss! Completely non-flammable. Cools surfaces down to 62° F…Spray and then wait 10 seconds and a white crusty film solidifies the waste.

Gross.

Gross.

Gross.

Ew.

Ick.

Wait – am I over thinking this…I know being an Arizonian, 62 degrees is considered cold…but freezing?  I’m not sure I’d even say that…I defer to my Northern neighbors – what exactly is the freezing point of poop?  62 huh?  Interesting.

Stupid Pet Tricks

For your dog?

For your kitty?

For your hamster?

Of course not – because those would actually make sense…a little disturbing that you’d have that kind of time…but sense nonetheless.

Nope, this isn’t for a four-legged furry friend.  This is for your fish.

That’s right, I said fish.

R2 Fish School Training Kit…

 
I’m now not sure if I should be disturbed by the amount of time these folks have, or jealous of the amount of “extra” time they have.

Jealous.  Yep, I’ll go with that.

Bottled Bow-Wow Water

What is America obsessed with more than diet and exercise?  

Well, yes that too – but I’m talking about our pets.

So why not buy them something that they could really thank you for, in their own little wet-nosed-kisses kind of way.

How about some bottled water for your pup?

Puddle Water?  Gutter Water?  Toilet Water?  Or some regular every day Hose Water?  Okay, so they are flavored waters – beef, lamb, chicken and liver – but still…

The best part is, it comes in packs of four for only 8 dollars.  That’s ONLY two dollars per bottle – wow! What a bargain for your favorite pup?

This is where I have to admit I’m not a dog owner.  I have fish – and children (five of them) – but I still think that even with this fancy water – old Fido is still going to try to drink out of the toilet.    You can feel free to correct me if I’m wrong here…but I don’t think I am.  And my mother always told me that it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.