Valentine’s Day

Store Clerk: Welcome to The SWBT Valentine shop, how can I help you?

Customer: Hello – I’m looking for something special for my husband for Valentine’s Day…We don’t normally buy each other gifts, but he’s been working so hard this year, I just want him to know how much I appreciate him.

Clerk: Sure!  I think I have just the thing…

Customer: Um…not sure where you are going with this, but no – I’m pretty sure that giant gummy worms is not exactly what I’m looking for.  Do you have something else?

Clerk: Sure, Sure, okay – well how long have ya’ll been married?

Customer: Ten years.

Clerk: Okie dokie!  This is sure to be perfect for you love birds…

Customer: Um, I’m not really sure what you are trying to say, but tongue fur isn’t really an issue in our marriage.  Nor is morning breath.  I think I’d like something a little more romantic.

Clerk: Romance huh? 

Customer: You are single aren’t you.

Clerk: How’d you guess?

Customer: Just a stab in the dark.

Clerk: well, I’m just not sure I have the item you are looking for.  unlesss…You wouldn’t happen to like play dough would you?

Customer: as much as the next gal I suppose…

Clerk: How about this for your husband?

Customer: Um.  No.  No thank you – I’ll just go get him a card, or a tie, or – well anything else.

No More Book Elbow

I am a busy mom of five.

Six if you count the dog.

Seven if you count the husband.

Anyway – I don’t really have time to sit, relax and read a book.  Well, I guess I do, but if I did when would I research for this site?  Exactly.

If I did sit and read a book (which I do find the time for once in a while) I usually try to curl up in a small corner away from everyone and everything…and escape into my book.

I’m not sure this would fit into my own little private corner though…

On the plus side, you can read while lying on your back and don’t have to worry about your arms getting tired and hitting yourself in the nose with the book (not that I have ever done that.)  And it’s lighted – although it seems to me that it’d be kind of reminiscent of being in the dentist chair with the light in your eyes while he says “this will only pinch…” (Lie of the century – but whatever).  And the dreaded “book elbow” – you know what I mean – where your elbows start to ache from holding them in the same position for several hours…

Thank you anyway Sky Mall for trying.  I do know this is a huge problem among American women who are on their millionth reading of the Twilight saga (which I still haven’t read), or the millionth reading of The Hunger Games (which I did read, and hated…I know I’m such a non-conformist). 

Sky Mall – solving book elbow one awkwardly placed gadget at a time.

There’s an app for that…

Ever notice how there’s an app for practically everything.

There have been some pretty ambitious developers out there creating everything from games that shoot little birds at pig piles to apps that allow us to do all our banking from the privacy of our own smartphone.

And now…

Confession.

I’m not going to make any religious jokes here.  Simply because I just don’t find any of them funny – except for the one about the Bishop, the Rabbi and the Priest that go fishing…but other than that…

Anyway – this app, developed with the blessing of the Roman Catholic Church allows you to put all your sins into a neat little checklist, verify that they are sins against the commandments (you know, in case you had questions about that), and then take your handy dandy little smartphone, ipad, or ipod into the confessional with you – so you don’t forget anything.

Oh, and no need to memorize those pesky prayers anymore.  They are there too.

Thank you Curtis R for pointing this out.  I think.

Wooooaaahhh Daddy….

For the day when your achin’ back just can’t take anymore, but your kids just can’t get enough…

The Daddle.

If mom wears it is it the Momdle?

What about the Grandpadle?
(Nevermind, that sounds like something that would happen if Grandpa’s Depends fail.)

Found at: http://www.mamabebe.com/playhorhasne.html – giddy’up.

Fine. I bought a Snuggie.

For Dogs.

That’s right, I admit it, since becoming a dog owner I’ve actually broken down and purchased some of the things I found totally ridiculous before becoming a dog owner.

I will allow five minutes of public mocking – starting now.

There now, do you feel better?

Even with this public admission I promise now to never, ever purchase some of the other things featured – such as Freeze Poop Spray, Poop Tent, or Dog Powered Scooter.

Or this…

(puppy Tweets – the electronic collar that translates your dog’s bark into English phrases…and then tweets them.)

Because I have a hard enough time maintaining my own blog, let alone one for Summer.

Found here:http://puppytweet.com/ and around the necks of poor defenseless puppies everywhere.  Or nowhere.  Or just in Japan.

What the….????

I like my nails as much as the next girl…

of course if the next girl is THIS girl, maybe like like my nails MORE than she does, because I’m not sure this is completely sanitary or kind, or productive, or…sane???

Just sayin’.

Diamonds? Cubic Zircon? No…

It’s Grandma.

Or Fido.

Or Uncle Ste-vah.

Whatever you wish.

You see – you can send them the ashes of your recently (or not so recently) deceased loved one, and they will create a piece of Gemstone jewelry for you to wear.

Everyday.

So Grandma can always be close to your heart…

Or Fido can rest comfortably around your neck.

In gemstone form, of course.

Think – diamonds…with floating imperfections. (Although of course I would never call your Uncle Ste-vah an “imperfection”)

found at http://www.mycrystalcompanion.com and submitted by http://www.mycrystalcompanion.com, and I quote “we do have a certain sense of humor about our product and that is what has prompted us to contact you”

Thank you for contacting me…really – thank you.