The Snuggie

We’ve all seen the commercials – of a woman sitting on the couch and she can’t seem to keep her blanket on her shoulders to keep her warm AND operate the remote control or hold her book at the same time.   What to do, what to do??? The snuggie of course, the blanket – with sleeves!!!

While I originally thought the Snuggie was ridiculous – I was quickly proven wrong by many, many friend and family members.  I eventually warmed up to the idea, and am not quite so annoyed by the commercial.  However, Snuggie should have quit while they were ahead, because this one – I can’t possibly warm up to… (ha ha…pun totally intended…)

The SNUGGIE – FOR DOGS!


Yea, I thought so.

Is it just me, or do these pups look like something out of StarWars Episode VII - Return to the Bark Side...

Duke....I am your father....

Use the force Fido - the biscuits aren't going to move themselves from the top shelf!

Oh yea, the puns just write themselves on this one.

PeePee TeePee

I have to admit, I actually bought some of these when my son was born.

I don’t know about your little boys – but mine – well, when he went “peepee” he had quite a bit of power behind it…And the “teepee” well – it just ended up being a flying projectile, rather than a fluid stopping/absorbing tool.  Let’s just say – this little baby didn’t save us any extra late night “showers”.



In case you were confused – this sets on top of his wee willy winkie while you attempt a hopefully DRY diaper change…  I suppose one good thing could come out of it though…

"So, (Mr. Famous Astronaut) what inspired you to build the worlds first water powered Rocket ship...?"

"I can't quite put my finger on it, but I remember from a very young age watching rocket shaped items fly by the power of pressurized fluid...."

Ya, that’s probably just wishful thinking.

Fed Up With Politics?

Let your favorite politicians and government agencies know what you REALLY think of them with this fabulous product from www.prankplace.com.

**disclaimer**(okay, just because a website is called Prank Place – and just because the products here are knowingly in the “gag gift –definitely not a serious purchase” category – I think this product still deserves a mention here, after all, someone WILL buy it…)

Ah hem…

Introducing-

Political Toilet Paper!
 
That’s right, show the political party of your choice how you feel about their “agenda” with an agenda of your own. 

Not an Obama fan?   Then the Barack Obama toilet paper is for you – Pelosi? Yep, she’s there too.  There’s even some George W paper – if that tickles your fanny  er, Fancy…(sorry)

Then there’s this paper - featuring Bin Laden – which in my humble opinion EVERY American household should have.  (Take THAT  - - - FLUSH….)

Where’s your little cave now?

And in honor of Tax Season – which is upon us (sorry about the reminder…)  Why not buy some form 1040 paper?  Every trip to the bathroom will be another statement made to the IRS…

Why not literally flush your frustration down the toilet?

I think we can all agree that this is a great way to stimulate the economy…so to speak.

Monthly Doos

According to the website - “Everything is Dootiful, in it’s own way…”

Cute.

These calendars – yes,  calendars (for those unfamiliar with the concept, these are 12x24 pieces of paper, folded and bound in the middle like a book...in ancient times, before PDA's and Cell phones, people used these devices to put their appointments on and for general "date telling") – offer monthly views of poo artfully set in beautiful nature backgrounds …imagine this – a gorgeous moss covered rock in a blissful meadow full of flowers and eight pieces of dried out poo arranged in a heart shaped pattern delicately resting on the green and gold moss covered rock…

Ahh the tranquility, the peace…wait – that’s POO!

This is the calendar you buy for the sight-impaired folks in your family…and sit back and watch them exclaim just how gorgeous the settings are…

Luckily the calendar doesn’t come in scratch and sniff. (At least not yet…)

Kush Support

You know how when you are sleeping in your tightly bound lace corset and your lady parts seem to rub against each other and cause uncomfortable chafing?

Yea, me either – but we don’t need to go there.  I’ve endured enough torture through the years on this topic.

However – if you do ever have the issue of chafing, or being uncomfortable from “them” um…pressing together…you can either change your sleeping attire (but really, who would want to do that???  I mean, tightly bound corsets are both comfortable and practical!) or you can shell out 24.95 and buy one of these:

What is this you ask?  Why it’s Kush Support – the plastic support tube for your boobies.  And it comes in many stylish flesh toned colors like peach, and brown, and teal green?

Watch this informational video:

Now if that doesn’t convince you, I don’t know what will.

*just a footnote – the inventors of Kush Support say that it does serve a medical purpose – it helps to slow or stop the creation of wrinkles around the breast line and also provides much needed support from the pain of breast implants for side sleepers…that’s the thinking behind this product anyway – just so you know.*

Comfort Wipe

I’ve learned almost everything I know about shopping and productivity from television.

For example, I’ve learned that there are many tasks out there that I simply shouldn’t be doing myself – especially when I can buy a specially designed tool to do it for me.

Many, many tasks.

Why, is this to make my bathroom cleaning easier?  More effective? More efficient?

er – um…sortof.

It’s Comfort Wipe – the bathroom wiping aid.

And no – it isn’t for the toilet – at least not directly.

I understand that there are certain medical conditions which might require certain assistance in the oh-so-personal areas that are commonly addressed in the bathroom.  Should that have been the angle that the manufacturers of the comfort-wipe had taken, that would be the end of it…but no – their slogan : “Because face it, Toilet Paper is Disgusting…”

**as far as I know – comfortwipe.com no longer exisits (ReallY???  you mean this one didn’t sell a million?)  But you can find it on Amazon.com.**

Commericals that Shouldn't - Episode I

There is a group of products that might very well be fine products - and have no strangeness about them whatsoever...okay, well maybe a little...but the commercials that have been created to advertise such products are worthy of mentioning.

Here is one such product.

That's right, The SLAP CHOP - I have to admit, I own one of these - or at least the pricier version from The Pampered Chef - and I love it, however one thing that I've never said while using this product is:

"You're Gonna Love My Nuts..."

That's right. Listen carefully.

Here's the original infomercial:




And here's the part in question:




Shaking my head endlessly---who exactly wrote this anyway, or did poor Vince adlib? Either way, it's commercial gold...

The Hawaii Chair

The title alone renders thoughts and images of white sand beaches and gently swaying palm trees…relaxation and serenity…doesn’t it?

I don’t think serenity is exactly the point here.  Supposedly, perfectly toned wash-board abs-while-you-sit is the point.

Watch this informative (struggling to keep a straight face here) commercial…






AHAHHH AHAHHAH HAHAHAH HAHAHAHAH!!!

I’m sorry – I can’t contain myself…must catch breath…breathe…breathe!!!!
Imagine typing a letter while sitting on this thing…

helo2w wir,
i a9encpoloigize for th39e grzmme45r in ty8is let56ter.  Yo8u s3ee, i’jum typingw2 wh9opl;e s98tting on mty n43w hqauwwaii chu8air.  pr409oductivity7 is d20own, but4 oyu sh2ou7lsd se34 my ab8ws!

Ah hem…okay, I’m done…

AHHH HHAHAHH AHAHAH HAHAHA!!!

(okay, now I’m really done….)

Home Electrolosis

Because why would anyone pay a licensed medical professional trained in the proper ways to administer these treatments when you can do it yourself – at home!

That’s right, no more costly trips to the aesthetician.  No more inconvenient rest period after treatment.  Say goodbye to long waits and crowded waiting rooms.

Uh huh.  Right.

I don’t know about you – but I still feel some things are better left to the professionals.   Of course if you like the one eyebrow look….

Nice to Meat You…

I’ve been to my share of conventions over the years.

I’ve collected a fair amount of business cards – I’d say easily in the thousands.

I’ve always found it a problem to remember which particular person I met went with which particular card.  After a few days of “meeting and greeting” and passing around cards – all of the names and faces blur together.

Enter the “Meat” card…

Never be forgotten again.

Seriously, never.

Unless of course your prospect gets hungry and eats it…

Of course – if you don’t have  a profession which required business cards…you can get Christmas Meat Cards as well.  Think of it … two gifts in one!  Better start working on that Christmas letter though, you are limited in space, and no – I don’t think he’ll print a family photo.  Meat has it’s limitations after all.

Finger Food

Ever been at a party and had a difficult time balancing your plate of tasty hors d'oeuvres with your drink while still successfully mingling among the crowd?

Ya, me either – but it could be that I don’t get invited to many parties that don’t involve cookies and red punch.

BUT, if I DID go to such a party and I WAS having such trouble…I’d surely want a set of these:

Hmmm… or maybe not.

Logistically speaking – anyone know what happens when you tilt your cup to drink from it?  Does the entire hand tilt too?  If so, what would happen to your carefully placed and balanced hors d'oeuvres ?  I’m guessin’ they are going to end up someplace in the vicinity of your face.  I just guessin’.

That also leads me to my next point.  If the hors d'oeuvres  in question has a toothpick in it, wouldn’t that be some sort of safety hazard???   “Oh, Oh, OW!  My EYE!”….

Also, if a person is only going to pick up one hors d'oeuvres, why exactly would they carry it around like a three carat diamond ring and not simply eat it when they take it?  I’m assuming this plate won’t hold much more than one…

This also makes me wonder – do they have mini finger bowls?

The Clintons…

Okay, so every once in a while something comes along that renders me completely speechless.

If you’ve read this blog for any length of time (or know me personally…) you know that is a very hard thing to do.

This one however – I have no words for. 

That’s right, no actual words.

Giggles, laughter, tears streaming down my face, and apparent fits of being starved of oxygen because I can’t seem to catch my breath because I’m laughing so hard….that’s what this one does for me. 

I’m going to leave the rest up to you.  May I introduce to you the current Secretary of State Nutcracker, and Former President cork screw…

Short of the folks on the extreme side of both political parties (whom we can all agree are already nuts – no pun intended)  I can’t think of any single person who would buy this.

Okay, maybe one person.  But he doesn’t count.

http://www.hillarynutcracker.com/

Pick Something Different

You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can’t use your pickings to take a shower.

Hmmm…. this just in…you CAN use your pickings to take a shower!?!

*cricket..cricket…chirp…chirp….*
(in case you can’t tell that’s the sound of silence.  Stunned silence.)

The person who thought this up was either someone who thoroughly enjoyed his nose pickings (and quite possibly paste eating) as a child, or someone who’s mother used the corner of a handkerchief twisted into a tight piece of nightmare-making-nose-cleaning torture.  (Ask my Dad about this one…)

Apparently the ‘booger’ shower gel comes in your choice of flavors – er uh, scents -  and colors as well.  (Ya, because that’ll help encourage your children NOT to eat their nose pickings.)

Oh well, I suppose I have heard of people finding worse things in the shower.

Be The Envy of the Neighborhood…

I love the movie “A Christmas Story” – what self respecting child of the 80’s doesn’t?

Of course my favorite scene is the one where Dad receives a “major award” in a giant boxed marked “Fragile” (must be from FRANCE!).    What would be inside said box?  A GIANT Lady leg, with a lampshade at the top of course!

Men across America salivated.

Women across America hid the checkbooks.

Luckily, there wasn’t a lamp like this available - - -in any store - - - until Al Gore invented the internet.

Can you hear the people in the neighborhood?  “what is it?”  “It looks like a giant leg”….

Buy Dad one today.  Mom will love you for it.  Really.  Just don’t blame her when it mysteriously breaks.  And, don’t expect an invitation to Christmas dinner either.

****just a note – someone will buy this – and has … it sold out at Christmas three years running.  ****

Grumpy Old Men

They are old, they are tired, and they have had enough of walking to school in the snow, up hill both ways…




Something tells me when the writers of “Grumpy Old Men” (great movie from the 90’s with Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon, in case you were wondering…)  had a set of these Wind Up Fighting Granddads in their office.





See what I mean? 

So do you think Grandpa is going to take it as a compliment if you give these to him for his 91st birthday?  Or will he grab his cane and chase you down the street Mr. Wilson/Dennis the Menace style all while shouting something about “Whippersnappers” and “in my day…”

Either way, I say it’s probably best to go with a safer gift for old Gramps like – a big bottle of Metamucil and some ear plugs.

Let’s take a moment…

Okay, I’m going to be serious for one post.

One post – promise.

This is something that I personally bought, and hope that many more will buy too.  You see – portions of the proceeds from the sale of these items goes to fund cancer research for the cure.

As someone who has been touched (and deeply affected) by cancer, I hope you all will forgive me for taking a break from my typical posts.

For once, someone will buy this, and has – to the tune of over $250.000 raised for cancer research.

Available from http://www.choosehope.com  and in many colors, these shirts, hats, flip flops, and hoodies make a strong statement.

Cancer Sucks.

Thank you.

Put the Golfing King on his Throne!

Do you know a golf enthusiast?

Can your golfing loved one never get enough?
 
Is the current economic situation cutting back the time you or your loved one can spend on the links?

Well then, you need an AT HOME putting course…of course.



Fabulous right?  It comes with a green, a movable cup (so you can change the difficulty level) a special putter and two balls – and a DO NOT DISTURB sign….wait, what?



OH!  That explains it.  This is Potty Golf – for the golfer who’s (according to the website) game is “in the toilet”.  

AND the putting green is notched perfectly to fit around the base of the toilet – therefore no unsightly ripples or wrinkles to throw off your game.  This thing is sure to be a favorite in the million dollar homes of high powered-golf-for-lunch executives...and those that wish they were.


The big question is … does it also include a free can of air freshener – because you know – if your game didn’t stink before, it sure will now!!!

Thanks to Jessica J. for finding this gem. 

Peter Petrie Egg Separator

Do you have a hard time getting your kids to eat eggs?

Me too. 

I started searching for some tips on helping kids to enjoy eggs more – thereby eating them more, and I found this on Youtube:



This has got to be a gag right?  Nobody in their right mind….oh wait, this site isn’t for people in their right mind that invent things…that’s right!  Okay, so it isn’t a gag.  Nope, you can own this little gem for $12.99.



Now, not only will my kids not eat eggs…but I’m second guessing my ability to do so.

One thing is for sure, I will never eat egg whites again.  Really, never.

Chocka Ca-Ca

Blank stare.

Rapid blinking.

Honestly, I have no idea what to say here.  That doesn’t happen often.

In case you can’t tell – this is a REAL baby diaper with a – as the website calls it a “milk chocolate TURDLE”…yes, I know – I think the misspelling is on purpose…although I can’t be entirely sure.

Here’s a close-up…

Blink.  Blink.

Ya, that’s all I got.

Potty Mouth…

To be fair, this product is found on Stuipd.com – and only on Stupid.com - I know, I checked.

However, I simply cannot let this product go because it’s already found on a site where they know just how ridiculous this product really is.

The term “Potty mouth” now has a brand new meaning doesn’t it?

Ooooh…and did I mention that it’s a keychain?  Oh yes, you can take your toilet with you anywhere.

The Original NyFork

Commonly known in kitchens all across…um…I have no idea where this thing might be popular…Oh well, we’ll say New Jersey.  There are a lot of Pizza places there right?

Anyway…

Introducing the NyFork – cut your pizza and eat it, all with one utensil!  Now, if that isn’t efficiency at it’s best, I don’t know what is.



Oh, and it’s not just for Pizza either – check out this image from the NyFork website:



That’s right ladies and gents – it’s a T-Bone steak.  No more hassling with those cumbersome steak knives.  Nope.  Not anymore.  Wow, so glad someone came up with a way to free up one of my hands during dinner time.  With one of these babies in each hand, dinner time should be cut in half!  Amazing!

Inflatable Fruit Cake

It’s Fruit Cake – or is it?

Open the package and a few puffs of air, and this traditional English wedding cake, and American Holiday favorite comes to life.

According to the website – this fruit cake is the best kind because:
1) nobody eats them anyway
2) it’s totally non-toxic (unlike real fruit cake)
3) it’s cheaper to ship

I’m going to go one more and say it has a very fabulous entertainment value.  Make sure you get one for the each member of the family.  We wouldn’t want any all out family wars regarding this one, now would we?




On second thought I'm going to leave this to someone else to buy.  The family turmoil just isn't worth it.

Subtle Butt

So you are in public.

You had Chili for lunch.

You really, really need to –well – let nature take whatever course it normally takes after you eat beans.

You know it will be of the silent-but-deadly variety.

No need to fear – Subtle Butt is here.

That’s right, disposable charcoal liners for your um, undergarments.

Ah, never to be embarrassed again by unsightly odors.

I’m sure they arrive in a plain brown paper package too.

Beyond The Candy Necklace…

Remember those innocent candy necklaces we all enjoyed as a kid (and I admit it, I still do…)

Well, the necklace has grown up.

That’s right, our friends in England have taken it to the next, more adult level. 




The CANDY BRA! 
(or you can buy it here at Amazon.com if you don't want to deal with the whole messy conversion of dollars to Euros or Cheerios or whatever the currency is...)

For some reason, I’m thinking this is not a one size fits all type of thing. 

And boys, don’t feel left out – yes, they do have a pair of edible male “knickers” as well…and no – I won’t show the photo.

Yodeling Pickle

In some parts of Germany, I’m told, it’s tradition to put a pickle on your Christmas Tree.  I’m not certain if the tradition is to put a real pickle on the tree or a plastic one – but if it’s a real pickle…let’s just say I’m glad I’m not German.

However…(you knew that was coming….)  Break out the trumpets and fanfare….er uh…lederhosen and sauerkraut…Enter the YODELING PICKLE!

That’s right ladies and gents – a yodeling pickle for your every day enjoyment.  AND if you just can’t wait to get your little beauty in the mail – here’s a virtual version to appease your pickle yodeling needs…

http://www.yodellingpickle.com/

The Final Battle

Finally, the opportunity to have the age old question answered – who are better – carnivorous meat eaters or vegetarians?  Only one will remain standing in this epic event …  that’s right, it’s Mr. Bacon vs. Monsieur Tofu – The ACTION FIGURES!

Don’t be fooled by the monocle – Monsieur Tofu is a tough – uh- well, he’s not really a cookie…bean sprout- yea, that’s it, bean sprout.  And Mr. Bacon will hog the ring (Pun totally intended) for a possible victory.

Get yours now – these are sure to be next Christmas’ hottest item… and don’t forget to pick up your bacon flavored mints and bandages while you are at it!

Found at Amazon.com

Road Bags

Seriously, it’s not what you think…or perhaps if you are like the tens of others who keep this company in business it IS what you think…either way – the only phrase that comes to mind is - “Not in MY car.”

These bags are for long road trips where the rest stops are few and far between (or closed due to state economic slow downs…)

The best part of these is the clever little mini van design for men…



Oh the things I could say about this…

One Manly Pun after another.

Seriously though, if they are for the manly man who refuses to stop to answer the call of nature (read the website sales copy – this thing just sells itself!) – shouldn’t these be shaped more like a stubborn mule and less like a Mini-van?  What does the image of a mini van conjure up for you?  Yep, me too – soccer mom with several kids.

Lest the women be left out – there is a ladybag too.  It boasts a wide rim for easy relief, and a fabulous Fig Leaf pattern.



um…

Thinking about the logistics alone…

Choking on giggles.   Trying to be serious here…really.  This is serious stuff.

One simple request…Please, don’t buy these for long road trips with Grandma.  No one wants to see that.

You found me! - Ginger W of Phoenix Arizona won this Amazon Cash on 8/18/2010!  Keep looking, there just might be another!

Reindeer Poop

Mothers everywhere are closing their eyes.  They are grabbing for the hand sanitizer and swearing to never take their kids to the petting zoo…ever.  At least not after finding this little gem:



That’s right folks, reindeer dispensers who poop out chocolate and caramel flavored jelly beans.  What’s not to love?

Thinking.

Thinking.

Thinking.

Yep, nothing at all.  These things are fabulous.

Guitar (Z)Hero

I could try to be witty and charming.

I could post something here about how every guitar hero player that ever lived NEEDS one of these shirts.

But I won’t.

http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts-apparel/interactive/c498/

Yes, if you are wondering, it is a fully playable guitar embedded in a t-shirt.

Yes, it has a Pocket Amp which will allow you to crank it to 11, and yes – it is going to be all the rage for the guitar hero playing, computer programming, electrical engineering studying, perpetually single men in the universe.

Hug Me Pillow

For those nights when you are cold and alone -

How about a half of an upper torso to keep you company?



There are so many things I could say about this.  But, I’m leaning on my powers of restraint, and leaving the commentary up to you – and this lady – an actual reviewer comment left on the purchasing site:

“I bought this pillow to keep my company on nights when my husband, a correspondent for the Trans-Alaskan News Network, was out of town. The pillow exceeded even my wildest expectations. I'm told the pillow was modeled after Brad Pitt, and I believe it! When I first nestled against the soft, but firm chest of my new "husband" I slept better than I ever had before. Now I don't mind when my husband goes out of town!”

Blink.  Blink.  Letting the above comments soak in.  Shaking head…


And for some reason, I’m thinking further commentary wouldn’t be allowed on a “family” site.

For those who don’t believe me, the link is here:
http://www.overstock.com/Home-Garden/Hug-Me-Pillow/1676854/product.html

That is all.

The Potty Patch

Hate Rushing Home To A Mess?

That’s the phrase that greets you when you land on the Potty Patch website.

Perhaps it’s because I’m not a dog owner.   That could be why I don’t really understand this product.  I do have one question however, will it also work for children? 





http://www.pottypatch.com – yes, just in case you are interested.